Choose one character to bully

‘So it’s settled. We head north.’ Her hand resting lightly on the pommel of her sword, Saltar looked at each of her companions in turn. Pheos returned her gaze coolly, sparks of shadow flickering around his gloved hands. Gramble shrugged and hefted his axe from one compact, muscled shoulder to the other. ‘No objections?’ said Saltar. ‘Then we ride as soon as...’ She hesitated. ‘Where’s Dingleton?’

‘Curse him!’ muttered Gramble, looking around. ‘Stupid wretched creature.’ Pheos smiled archly.

‘I believe our diminutive friend is currently relieving himself,’ he said, nodding towards a nearby bush.

‘Sorry!’ said the bush. ‘Sorry! Hang on, I’m just...’ The bush rustled and Dingleton fell out, his trousers round his ankles. ‘Wooaah!’ He tumbled head over heels down the muddy slope, his hands stuck in his belt as he tried desperately to pull his pants up.

‘Dingleton!’ snapped Saltar. ‘Get up. We’re heading north. Where did you tie up the horses?’

‘Tie up?’ said Dingleton, a baffled expression on his face. ‘They were... um...’

‘I’ll murder him!’ yelled Gramble, gripping his axe. Saltar sighed.

‘At least tell me you picked up the bag with the holy amulet in,’ she said.

‘The thing about that...’ Dingleton began, before losing his balance and falling flat on his face.

‘Why is he here again?’ hissed Pheos.

‘I don’t know,’ Dingleton moaned quietly to himself. ‘I really don’t know. I’m not equipped for this. It seems cruel even to have brought me. When you think about it...’ Whatever he had been about to say, it was muffled by the bird faeces that fell directly into his mouth at that exact moment.

Wise Words about Passion in Writing

One of my students alerted me to this excellent NPR review of Stanley Fish's new book, How to Write a Sentence.  But even more fun is the excerpt from the book, which is below the review.

I'm posting the link here (click on the words "NPR review" above), to share with you one writer's passion for writing.  It inspired me to read it, and I hope it'll ignite your own passion for your words, sentences, paragraphs, and pages.  So for this week's exercise, enjoy this excerpt from How to Write a Sentence.  Maybe go out and buy or borrow the book.

Then spend some time reflecting on your passion for words.

Do you swim in the joy of them, as this writer does?
Why or why not?

Secrets of Style: French Chic

If you need some real-life French inspiration, take a few minutes to play this video. French women are born with it. The rest of us need a little assistance.

Cue Marjorie...

Starting a Law Firm | Taxes

This is going to be a short post today, mainly because I can't think of much to write about. But, since tax season is fast approaching, I thought I'd tell you a little bit about what I do along those lines. Here's a hint - not much.

When you are starting a law firm there are two things that you can be pretty sure of. First, you aren't going to be making a ton of money your first year. Second, especially if it's just you, there are going to be basically two line items, income and expenses. Amortization, depreciation, and capital expenditures probably aren't going to be entering the mix much.

So why make it more complicated than it needs to be? For me,up until this year (2011) I didn't even use quickbooks. I just had a spreadsheet. When money came in I noted it. When I paid a bill or incurred an expense I noted it. Then at the end of the year I added it all up and figured out what my tax liabilities were (if any). And there weren't many.

I haven't done my taxes for 2010 yet, but I must admit I'm a little bit nervous. I made a little bit of money ($45,000 or so - net) so I know I need to be paying some tax on that. But I don't know exactly how much. That's what's making me nervous. I could end up owing some decent money, which is going to be painful to part with.

This year, in hopes of lessening that burden, I'm putting money away every month into a money market account. I'll make a little bit of cash on it and then have it available when it's time to pay Uncle Sam. Better that than to reach the end of the line and realize I don't have enough to foot the bill.

What are your tax strategies? When do you think it's time to hire on a CPA to help you out? For me, that's probably coming up soon. But the thought of it's a little scary.

Have a great weekend.

How to Seduce

Yesterday I had a hair appointment to keep. In the almost three hours I was there (I know) I read a lot of magazines. Thankfully they had plenty of new Australian Vogues and Marie Claires. One magazine, Grazia, had a great article on -

How to Seduce a Man

Well, I had to take notes. All the suggestions were so good, I thought they would benefit me in day-to-day life and also, even though I am already married, with my husband. You see, they aren’t all just about seduction, but how to be attractive generally. I really love articles like that.

I wrote down the headings, and now I’m going to remember, paraphrase and add my own notes.

Wear red. This colour makes you more attractive to men. I too often notice how nice a woman looks when they wear red. It makes your skin look a little flushed perhaps, in a good way. Whatever colour you wear (on your top half at least), picks up the colour on your face. That’s why pinks and peaches are so flattering as well, and perhaps could be a less intense option for a top. And why black is not ideal, even though we all love wearing it – it picks up black circles under the eyes!

Show 40% of skin. I think this was aimed more at dressing up for an evening out. 40% is the ideal amount. Anything less and you risk sinking into dowdy territory, any more and you will end up seducing your man in a less chic way, and showing yourself off as being very available. It probably would work for daytime too. A French women is famous for showcasing just one part of herself, whether it's great legs, toned arms or a silky-smooth decolletage. If every single part is covered up you wouldn't really notice, but imagine a women in well-fitted jeans and slender-cut t-shirt, that when she turns around shows a back-revealing detail. Ooh la la.

Be well-rested. This article claimed that men were shown pictures of women from two groups – one group had plenty of sleep and one group had no sleep. Of course they chose the well-rested group as more attractive. I can’t argue with that. And for heavens sake don’t wear a black top on a day when you didn’t get enough sleep!

Smile 35 times an hour. Women who smiled every 1.7 minutes were considered more attractive than those who smiled less. Does that seem like a lot of smiling? I remember from my (second) wedding day I had sore cheeks the next day from smiling for photos and well-wishers. So perhaps a little less smiling than that. The charity shop near me has the most pinch-faced old bat behind the counter. Even when I am dropping off really nice donations she can’t force a smile out. I bought a book from there a few days ago and she handed me my book and change and I actually waited until she made eye contact with me and then smiled at her and waited for the return smile... it eventually came, a tight, miser-ish little smile. Geesh, they don't cost anything love. I feel a bit mean about 'making' her smile, but it was fun. And on the other side of the scale, people I've met who I often think 'aren't they just so nice' are the ones that smile, a lot.

Touch him subtly. When you’re talking to a man, whether it’s someone you met in a bar, your boyfriend or your husband, make a point to subtly touch him to make a point. Perhaps on the arm or shoulder. Not too much though, don't be one of those women (an over-toucher Seinfeld would probably call her). I think non-bedroom touching is very important in a relationship. A quick shoulder-rub going past your man when he's sitting down, a touch on the hand, quick kiss on the neck.

Wear a spicy-floral fragrance. Apparently you will appear 5kg / 10 pounds thinner. And who doesn’t want that? I was pleased to see that Chanel No. 5 has spicy components as well as powdery florals. There are many other spicy-florals that aren’t as heavy as straight out oriental perfumes. Dolce Vita I know is one, from my days at Dior, as is the original Dior Addict in the dark blue bottle. One of my husband’s friends used to give me a hug when he saw me and exclaim in raptures whenever I wore Dior Addict. After he met his wife, he did it a few times and then stopped. I think she had words with him that she'd rather he went into raptures over her instead. I don’t blame her!

Be charitable and a better person. Even if they don’t know it, men are always sizing up a potential female partner as the mother of his children. If he sees that you are a kind person he is likely to think more of you. I’ve read often that men want their women to be a better version of themselves. They put us up on a pedestal and look to us as the moral guider. That’s a tall ask I know. It also makes me try and be a better person. Again, in my observations of other women, isn’t it a not-nice shock to discover that someone you admired and thought to be lovely ended up being a bit sneaky or mean-spirited? I don’t want to be one of those women. I want my husband to think I am saint-like, heavenly and kind-hearted.

Talk to him with head slightly tilted forward. Something about looking up at him and being slightly submissive. It sounds quite hard to do without looking silly. What I do know though, when you see aggressive women on tv (likely in a reality show like Top Model) they talk with their head held back and up, and look arrogant and aggressive. They don’t exactly come across as feminine or even remotely likeable.

Wear a little makeup. Finally, the article says men may profess to like women a la naturale, with no makeup at all. The study shows another story though. The women with scrubbed clean faces were rated as less attractive as women who were very lightly made up. The key point was a contrast between features and skin. So mascara, lipstick, blush and defined brows are important. What I think it is that men don't like is makeup put on with a trowel and spider-leg eyelashes.

What would you add to this list? Care to refute anything? I would love to hear your comments. Wanting to be feminine and have men find you attractive is quite controversial in our modern Western society. But isn’t that what French women have been doing forever? I know it’s not for everyone, but for me, I love talking about all this girly stuff.

Include unnecessary linguistic redundancies of language

Kevin entered his PIN number into the ATM machine at a rapid rate of speed. He had a preplanned date arrangement with a female woman and didn’t want to be delayed by lateness. If he compared and contrasted Olivia with previous girlfriends he’d dated before, she was universally superior and better in every way.

‘Hurry quickly,’ he whispered under his breath, his hand advancing forward towards the cash slot where money would come out. He glanced at the LCD display, which was showing an advertising commercial. ‘I’m in too much of a rush to have time for this,’ he muttered. ‘You can keep your added bonus free gift.’

Finally at last, his cash money emerged into view and he grabbed it with his hand. Irregardless of this delay, the end result of his date arrangement would be a new beginning at this moment in time. Little did he know or realise, but his goals and objectives were about to be completely and utterly met in a way and manner it was impossible to over-exaggerate.

Marketing a Law Firm | Avvo.com, Social Media, "Networking" and You

Before I get too far into this post, I want to put it into context. I am not trying to be mean. I am not trying to be harsh. I am trying to give you the information you need to start and run a successful law firm. I'm not really that good at sugar coating things (ask my mom and my wife!), so I'm just going to give it to you straight.

I'm not going to say any names, but I met with another guy last night over beers who is venturing out to start his own law firm. He was a great guy, pretty fresh out of law school (though with a lot of legal experience considering), who, because of the present economic state of the country, doesn't have many job prospects.

We sat down to talk and I asked him what I always ask people when I first meet them to talk about this stuff: (1) what is your practice area; and (2) what plan do you have in place to be successful. He knew what his practice area was, which was a good thing, but when we started talking about what his plan was I got the same look I probably gave when my contracts professor asked me a question about anything - sheer terror.

And that's okay. Most of us don't have a plan when we set out, particularly when, like this guy's situation, the necessity of starting a law firm is thrust upon us. So I decided to break it down a little bit further and ask what is really the most important question you need to be able to answer to be successful - what are you doing to get clients?

Now, before I tell you what his answer is, if you are seriously considering opening a law firm, I want you to do me a favor - take five minutes, right now, and make a list of the things you can think of to get clients. And the ideas can be as crazy as you can make them. Okay, go.

Interlude - the Process

I wanted to make this exercise a little bit easier for you, so I'm trying to fill some space between the question and the answer. So we'll talk about something else for a minute, something that is law firm marketing related. The process.

When you aren't thinking and working to get new clients, you should be thinking and working on the processes your firm is going to have in place to handle clients once the phone starts ringing. The best way to do this is to put yourself in the shoes of the client, from the very beginning of the process.

It should go something like this: client has a problem; client seeks out help for that problem (this is where you need to be); client finds your website or hears about you; client is looking for specific information to determine if you know what you are doing and if they can trust you (provide that information); client decides they want to talk to you, how do they do that; client calls, how do you answer the phone?; are you setting a meeting?; what information do you need from them?; what do you do when you get off the phone?; and the list goes on and on. Each time you think you've got all the answers, break it down into smaller pieces.

And, as you are figuring all of this out, write it down. That way you don't forget, and when you hire people to help you (which you will because you'll be busy with clients) they can hit the ground running by just reading the law firm manual you've created.

Law Firm Marketing - the Plan

Okay, back to the original question. I asked the guy "what are you doing to get clients," and he gave the answer I bet a lot of you immediately thought of. He said, "I'm doing a lot of social media stuff, participating on avvo.com, I'm active in the solo/small firm section of the bar association, and I'm meeting with a ton of attorneys."

Oh boy.

I then asked the million dollar question - "getting any clients from this?" I already knew the answer.

Here's the thing about those three or four methods of "marketing." They make us feel really great, like we're really doing something. We're getting our name out there, we're answering people's questions, we are exchanging business cards. But the problem with that is that it's too easy. And generally, in business, when something is easy, it's ineffective. And easy and cheap, which all of those are, drops the effectiveness down to near zero.

The problem with all of those marketing ideas is that they don't do what marketing is meant to do - put you in front of your target client. All of your marketing efforts should be funneling people that need your business your way.

So, what is my suggestion? Here it is. Stop posting on avvo. Keep your profile and try to get your clients to review you. When you do something good, post it on your profile (when people google you, and they will, they can find out what a great lawyer you are). But other than that, stay away.

Have a facebook page for your business and try to get everyone you know to like your page. Don't expect to get new clients directly from it, but use it as a way to keep your former clients and friends informed about what is going on with your firm and to "remind" people what you do. The best thing that can happen from keeping up a facebook page is someone who likes it is sitting around the water cooler with a friend who talks about a problem they have that you can fix. They just saw your page, so you're top of mind, and they tell that friend to call you.

Networking events. Don't use these for business generation, at least for immediate business generation. Use these events as an opportunity to have a great time and get to know others in your community. Tell people what you do but then learn about them. Networking is all about building long term relationships. They do result in referrals, but months and years down the road after you've built up trust with people you've met.

So, what should you do? Easy. Take some time, sit down, and think of some ways that you can get in front of clients. I know one great place most people go for legal services - the internet. Figure out how to get seen on the internet and start working at it. Like I told the guy I met yesterday, anyone can do it, but it takes a lot of hard work. But that should be okay, because that's what's going to separate you from everyone else.

Another idea - hold a seminar. Invite your friends and talk about what you do in an interesting way. I've given presentations on how to deal with the cops. I put some funny videos in, tell them about myself, and answer questions afterward. Get everyone's contact information at the presentation, and then tell them you'll be giving another one in two months and if they know anyone that might appreciate it they should let them know about it.

Getting clients is only hard because we feel safe doing what everyone else does. Branch out, be creative, and do what other people aren't. Next thing you know, the clients will be rolling in.