Kaizen

I was talking with my husband tonight about making our new home better over time, both with cleaning effort and low-cost updates. He told me about kaizen, which is Japanese for small and gradual improvement and that’s how their successful companies work.

I actually got very excited by this as it's how I live my life, and there’s a name for it. How often does that happen? I don't really go for high-cost, high-maiintenance but enjoy finding the d.i.y. low-cost, creative route.

Because we are focused on paying our home loan off in a much shorter time than the standard 25 years, we have decided to wait and see what improvements we want to do that require serious capital input.

We also practice this with our shop. I see other retail stores that spend big dollars on a fancy fitout (and make me feel like we should do the same) but within a few years have closed down.

Everything we do in our business we ask ‘how many pairs of shoes do we have to sell to pay for this, and is it worth it?’ Of course we have to be professional, but there are many, many ways to waste money I have found.

And we want our shop to be around for a long time. Being fiscally responsible is one way to ensure that as much as possible.

I often think imagine if you had a camera set up that took time-lapse photos of your home. It would show from the date you moved in how much better it looked month on month and year on year.

I’m sure ‘kaizen’ isn’t a better known term (or maybe you’ve already heard of it) because it’s not as exciting as the ‘big reveal’ of a makeover programme where everything is changed in an instant and everything is brand-new.

Just like a diet, slow and steady brings gradual and permanent change. As others have wisely noted in the comments section, our tastes change over time too, so if you redecorate your home all at once (obviously having just won the lottery), mightn’t you get sick of it soon?

As with personal style, I think it’s better to grow into your home look.

Click here and here for Wikipedia entries on Kaizen.

20th Day in a Chic September

For the month of September I plan to document daily steps I have taken towards a chic, elegant and healthy life. My goal is to keep uppermost in my mind the kind of life I want to live. I will be focusing on all the small things I do each day that lead me towards my goal, rather than away from it.

Here are today’s mini-chic accomplishments:

I had a little breakthrough today. After beating myself up for indulging in too many unchic and high calorie foods over the weekend, and not wanting the hemmed in feeling of tracking Weight Watchers points, I thought to myself ‘what if I’m just normal’.

What if I eat normal foods in normal portions at normal times. I can be normal! For some reason (that I would love to know), I can happily spend months at a time following Weight Watchers to the letter (or point), and then I get to a stage where I want to run in the opposite direction. I’m off the diet, so I eat everything I’ve limited myself of, and enjoy indulging with wild abandon.

But today’s thought was something else altogether. I am normal. I know how to eat normally, I’ve done it for many years before I decided I wanted to lose weight and got into the dieting thing.

Normal isn’t lollies and excessive chocolate and fatty takeaways or snacks. Normal is real food in reasonable quantities. And it’s never normal food that we want to excess. It’s the other stuff, the refined carbohydrates that never fill you up, at least with nutrition anyway.

So today, whenever I felt like eating something tacky, or worried that I wasn’t writing my points down, I just calmed myself with ‘I am normal, I am eating normal food’. And the thoughts of revolting low-nutrition foods melted away.

There’s only one mini-chic accomplishment today, but for me it’s a good one.

--

If you feel like you want to make September a chic month for you as well, please join me. You are welcome to share your mini-chic accomplishments for the day (or the previous day if you read in the morning) in the comments section. It would be lovely to have you along for the ride!

The frugal millionaire

To me, part of being chic is being good with money. In my opinion it is not chic to be irresponsible or unreliable with finances. Carrie on Sex and the City joked that she would be the old woman literally living in her shoe, because she had spent all her money on Manolos rather than investing in a pension plan. I don’t find that cute at all, in fact it makes me cringe.



I’ve always enjoyed motivating myself by reading personal finance books. If you make something fun to do, you’re more likely to do it. Forcing yourself to save money in a bank account rather than go shopping sounds dire, but turning it around and thinking ‘I’d rather save for something special than waste my money on that magazine/top like 20 others I own/book to cram onto my overflowing bookshelf’ makes me happy not to shop.



I read The Millionaire Next Door book years ago and loved the fact that most actual millionaires don’t get around in Dolce and Gabbana clothing with Rolexes on their wrist. They are normal looking people who are financially secure. They are basically frugal sorts who are married to frugal spouses (it’s very important that you are on the same page. If one is a spender and one is a saver, it won’t be easy).



They say ‘sure, enjoy a big home and expensive car, but after you’ve earned the money and not before’. And many millionaires they have interviewed don’t even do that (the after part). By and large it tends to be the wannabees who wear True Religion jeans (très expensive in NZ) and drive a Land Rover or Audi 4wd, and actual wealthy people who are more unobtrusive.



I love nice clothing and looking stylish, and so does my husband. We enjoy daydreaming about luxury items and travelling around the world staying at five-star hotels. But we are just as happy with our everyday lives, and build our stylish style on a budget, shopping when places have sales and wearing our clothing more often than others might.



I still think I have too many clothes. But whereas in another, previous life, where I had regular cleanouts of good clothing that was sent to the op shop, only for me to replace it again (that’s why I lived off my credit card), now I simply don’t shop for a long while, using and enjoying the clothing I have. It only is decluttered if I decide I have bought wrong, or downgraded to home-wear if it’s no longer good enough for going out.



I wear a Cartier watch that I paid a small fortune for brand-new ten years ago. Clearly I lost my mind then and thought that one needed a good watch to look the part. I do enjoy wearing it, and I like that fact that it is understated and not flashy, but if I was offered a cheque for the same amount I paid for it tomorrow, I would sell it in a flash. I just don’t need stuff like that to make me ‘feel’ wealthy. I would rather ‘be’ wealthy.



I have discussed with my husband whether I should look into selling my Cartier, as supposedly some brands hold their value. Usually it isn’t worth selling designer goods second-hand as you get a pittance back for them. He said even if I got the amount I paid for it, that much probably wouldn’t make that big a deal to our long-term plans, and I may as well wear it and enjoy it.



So I do. And it’s not to say we’re so rich that that amount of money doesn’t matter to us, but if I had my time over, I may not have bought the watch. Not only do you have to fork over the money, you also have to look after it, maintain it (there is only one Cartier repair person in the whole of New Zealand and it needs to be sent to him to even have the battery changed, you can imagine he’s not cheap), insure it (the watch is itemised on our insurance) and worry about it.



One of the authors of the Millionaire Next Door has written a new title, and I have been listening to the audio book in the car. It is called ‘Stop Acting Rich’ which is an updated version and pretty much advises us to stop ‘acting rich’ to ‘be rich’. Don’t spend your hard-earned cash on status items to look rich - save and invest that money for your future. Only when you are rich should you buy these items.



He tells us that many people in our neighbourhood that look wealthy are likely barely scraping by. ‘Neighbourhood’ is actually his main piece of advice – don’t live in a fancy one if you can’t afford it. Stretching yourself financially to afford a big house in an upmarket neighbourhood could mean compromising your financial future. It’s one of the fastest ways to go broke.



Not only will we get the biggest mortgage we can to afford the house, but then we consciously or subconsciously want to keep up with the Joneses, or the next-door neighbours with new cars, toys, trips overseas, private schools etc. A movie I saw recently - ‘The Joneses’ with David Duchovny and Tea Leoni - was a really illuminating look into this.



To ‘Stop Acting Rich’ (and start being rich), the author advises to buy in a moderate neighbourhood where you might be wealthier than the neighbours, but live at their level. Live below your means. You will be less likely to conspicuously consume if your neighbours aren’t. This is especially interesting for us as we have just starting looking to buy a house. I initially thought I wanted to buy a small townhouse or an apartment in an upmarket and expensive area, just because it would be nice to live in a nice area.



I am now changing my mind and thinking we want a normal house in a normal but still nice area, and we have been visiting properties within our price budget. And our house budget is one that we have decided we want to spend on a house/mortgage, not the maximum that our bank will let us have.



As tempting as it is to buy a bigger home fully renovated, or a bigger home requiring lots of work, we are committed to a low-stress European style (whatever that means nowadays, but I take it to mean the ideal Euro person who values experiences over things), we are looking at lower priced homes.



The millionaire next door authors reckon you shouldn’t have a mortgage more than twice your annual household income. When I work it out for us it is slightly less than the small house we are budgeting for. Scary, but that’s what it takes to be financially responsible.



It is quite exciting visiting houses for sale and imagining that we could own it, pay it off, decorate it in faded vintage French style amidst tones of off-white, cream, soft-beige, black and rose-brown. I can even see a bistro table and two chairs on the patio out the front.



Happy living within your means everyone!

More on Slimming

‘French women appreciate that Rome wasn’t built in a day (and neither was France), but rather ‘little by little’. The progress of your life towards peak experiences in all aspects of living will take time.

Changes made drastically or all at once are often the sorts of modifications that don’t stick. Like New Year’s resolutions, they are upheld proudly for a little while, but then we fall back to our old ways. Arrive at your new ways gradually, and you will leave your old ways too far behind for easy return.

And if you slip up a bit, you won’t feel a failure; you will know how to get back on track because it isn’t all or nothing. It’s a game of inches.’

- Mireille Guiliano, French Women For All Seasons

This is how I am thinking about my weight loss journey. I arrived at the halfway mark pretty promptly and directly, and have been having a more relaxing time of it for quite a few weeks now. I feel ready to tackle the second half.

I love being slimmer, of my clothes looking much better than they used to, of my legs looking slimmer and my stomach looking (a little) flatter. I love that I feel sexier and more like the chic Parisian femme I know I am in my mind. I love looking like someone who gives a damn and cares about what they look like (I didn't often feel like that when I couldn't fit my clothes).

I have been ignoring my Weight Watchers tracker book for more days than I have written in it though, and as a result have found myself on the slippery upwards slope by a kilo or two.

I am keen to carry on becoming my most ideal self weight-wise. One thing I do know is that writing everything down that you eat and drink definitely helps if you’re wanting to slim down. It might be via a method like Weight Watchers or you might just jot down what you consume and in what quantities. All Weight Watchers does is help you know the 'price' of things.

You could do it after the fact or before, by planning out what you’re going to have for breakfast, lunch, dinner and morning and afternoon tea that that day. Getting into this habit will help redirect and refine what you eat. Planning ahead is the best way of course, but even knowing I’m going to be making a note of what I’m eating will help me be aware of it.

Sometimes I’ll eat ‘whatever’ anyway, but on writing it down, I realise it can be accommodated in the day, if most other things are healthy. Isn’t that how our French sisters do it?

Last night I wrote out my to-do list for today (a day off work and I will be at home). The first item on my list is ‘Be slim’. Normally my lists are a little more practical but why not be whimsical for once Fifi.

First thing in the morning, whilst waiting for the kettle to boil for tea to sip in bed with the Sunday paper (one of life’s little pleasures), I read a few pages from the above book.

It was enough to get me back into my chic mindset and look forward to being disciplined with my diet as a pleasure and enjoyable, rather than that I am depriving myself.

Chic Habits

Lower your voice. In an interview about beauty, the iconic actress Jane Russell said ‘The director Howard Hughes took all of us – Lauren Bacall, Marilyn Monroe and myself – and said, “LOWER YOUR VOICE!”… Lauren Bacall still has the lowest voice of anyone I know to this day. The actresses of today all have these high-pitched baby-girl voices.’

When speaking, I try to make my voice soft and feminine and was aware it could be a little high pitched and girly. After reading this quote, I now consciously try to speak with a lower voice. Not abnormally low that I would sound like a man, just lower in my normal range.

I have to say I feel more chic when I speak in a lower voice. After all your voice is part of the entire package you present to people. Along the same lines I also try to slow down my speaking voice, as I often trip over my words in a rush to get everything out. Not chic!

Being ‘French’

I've been thinking about whether I have actually put into my life what I love to read about. Have I been walking the walk? I'm sure there are women living in Paris who would laugh at the 'French girl' descriptions, or perhaps they really are all like the books say.

I love reading, thinking and writing about the idealistic French girl. Whether it's actually true or not really makes no difference to me. I am inspired to be a better (and better-groomed) person and that's the important thing. So here are ways I have incorporated some French-inspired ideals into my life.

Walking. I sometimes walk purely for exercise, where I put on my running shoes, a t-shirt and a pair of knit pants and walk for an hour, briskly. Lately though I have been blending my exercise walk with errands. Previously, I would walk for an hour, get back and then drive to the supermarket, bank, post office etc.

Now I often have gone out for a walk in my normal clothing, just adding a pair of comfortable walking shoes (not running shoes) and carrying a tote bag that slings over my shoulder. I can then walk to the bank, post office, shops. As long as I'm not buying too much I'm OK. Obviously for a big supermarket shop I take the car.

Natural hair and makeup. I have always worn makeup, however now I wear less. I want a subtle glow, and long, dark lashes. I use a sheer, water-based foundation and use a very light hand with powder, blush, lipstick, eyebrow pencil, eye shadow, eyeliner and mascara. Often on a day at home when I wear just tinted moisturiser and even smaller amounts of the above I think how pretty the effect is. So as time goes on I can see myself wearing less and less - but always some.

With my hair, I had it my natural colour for many years (medium blonde), but now with greys creeping in it has started looking a little... drab. Bearing in mind advice not to stray too far from your natural colour, I have been having blonde highlights and my own colour lowlights together. I have read that French women embrace natural hair colours rather than anything too extreme.

Clothing. What I have taken from the French woman is to wear what I like and what suits me, regardless of what's in fashion. I still try new things, but have come to get a better idea of whether it will suit me or not.

I also know now that I don't like floaty boho pieces, but feel altogether more polished in simple, fitting shapes in soft or bright colours paired with neutrals and not too much black. The process of thinning out my wardrobe is ongoing, distilling the pieces down into ones I love and wear and which look great on me.

Using my good things. I light expensive gift candles, eat off our good plates, and enjoy one of the few bottles of good wine we have stored away for a special occasion. My husband has said this to me more than once that he loves that I use my good things.

We have four gorgeous small glasses rimmed in 24 carat gold that have to be hand washed (I learned that after putting two in the dishwasher - it used to be a set of six). I never used them because... they had to be handwashed. A few months ago, I got them out of the cupboard, hand washed them and used them that night. It felt like such a treat! They really are beautiful glasses and I don't mind looking after them.

Same with some wine glasses which were a gift. When I broke one and had to replace it, one glass cost $30. It put me off using them for a while, but now I do again. I put these ones in the dishwasher. If they break, they break. Better to enjoy them than keep them for, what? The day that never comes?

My Nana died last year, and she was famous for keeping her good clothing in the wardrobe and wearing old clothing around the house. She bought beautiful, expensive clothing but didn't want to wear it (it was 'too good'). Now her daughters and grand-daughters are walking around in her lovely tops and scarves.

She also had boxes of scented body lotions and perfumes stored under her bed, with cheap supermarket body lotion in the bathroom. Perhaps that comes from growing up during the Depression. I'm just sad that she didn't get to enjoy it.

So now when I look into the bathroom cupboard after my shower in the morning, I use my most expensive body lotion first. It doesn't last forever you know. Even if all I'm doing is going to work or staying home. I don't have that many big nights out to save it for.

One such day last week when I had moisturised top-to-toe in rose-scented Crabtree & Evelyn my husband commented how nice I smelt when we hugged. And even if he's not there I enjoy it too.

What French-inspired things are you doing with your day?

Image from Studio Nate on www.flickr.com

Being feminine in everyday life

One of the things I love most about being born a girl, is the chance to indulge in the daily expression of being feminine. The ideal French woman is the ultimate in sophisticated elegance and femininity.

Here are some of my favourite ways to feel feminine every day:

- I remind myself to walker slower and more elegantly. I imagine I am a chic woman in a movie. Channelling Amelie or another movie character is fun if I am feeling in a frump. It immediately makes you lighter on your toes and more expressive, in a non-over the top way of course.

- Wearing soft, pretty colours near my face. Or softening a dark top with pearls or a scarf that throws a flattering light onto my complexion. Wearing a bright colour feels very feminine too. Not a clown of brights though, one bright colour with a neutral is my favourite way. Red with white, denim with Kelly green, black with soft blush pink/beige.

- Standing up straight, imagine a string pulling me up from the crown of the head. Imagine you are a ballet dancer when you move.

- Wear lightly applied makeup in soft, sheer tones that flatter my colouring. Ensure there are no hard lines and that everything is well blended.

- Eat and drink in moderation. Indulge in chic foods I could imagine a svelte Parisian woman eating. Sometimes if I am stuck for a lunch idea I ask myself, if I lived in my bijoux Paris apartment, what would I make? And I must admit, as much as I enjoy relaxing with a tasty brandy, I always feel more feminine with a sparkling mineral water.

- Doing daily stretches and going for gentle exercise walks. I do errands on foot if they are near. A tote bag is used including sunglasses, and a fold-up umbrella if the weather is inclement.

- Let not one critical word come from my mouth, either about myself or others. This is an ongoing challenge for me. I am working on overruling negative thoughts with positive ones. And trying to be so instantly judgemental.

- Make my thoughts positive – it softens the face. It really is incredible how facial expressions (on a seemingly neutral face) can make you seem hard or soft.

- Washing hair more frequently. Men love clean, fresh-scented hair.

- Take an extended bathroom spa time on the weekend. Exfoliate thoroughly over my whole body, apply lotion, polish toe-nails.

- Part of my coming home routine in the evening is to remove all jewellery. But I sometimes leave something on, ie pearl earrings. Just to be pretty.

- Lightly spritz with a feminine fragrance every now and then.

- Surrounding myself with feminine colours. Not just in clothing and makeup, but everything in my life – home furnishings, stationery etc. Some of my favourite colours are soft beige-pinks, creamy whites and silvers, dove grey, ethereal seaglass blue-green.

- Playing music as a background, much like movies do. Gentle classical pieces and relaxing spa music is fabulous for having on low as I go about my day. French hotel sounds such as Buddha Bar, Six Senses and Hotel Costes are a enjoyable alternative that instantly make my everyday life seem much more cool. They are often very sexy too. And that’s never a bad thing.

- Having softness around me – mohair rugs in the winter or soft, cool cotton palazzo pants in the summer. One of my favourite ways to make a difference to the bed is to place a light-weight duvet inner under the sheets as a kind of mattress topper. It makes your bed feel very luxe and cloud-like. And it stays in place under the fitted sheet, even without straps or elastic. I like that I can wash it regularly too, unlike my mattress, which doesn't really fit in the machine.

- Being a domestic goddess. It's true what they say about a home needing a woman's touch. As I enter or leave a room I try to do one thing to straighten or tidy. I open the windows every day, even in winter if only for an hour or two, so that our house smells airy and fresh. Making your home a peaceful retreat for you and your family is a very feminine thing to do.

I’m sure I’ve not listed many other details. What are your favourite ways of being feminine?

Watercolour by Beverly Brown

Guest Post: French Chic Rules

A dear friend of mine wrote this piece which I wanted to share with you. It follows on from my last post. Enjoy.

French Chic Rules, by Coco:

After reading Fiona's post this morning, it gave me inspiration. A question was answered on how to maintain French Chic and a wonderful answer followed. It was brilliant because it's different for all of us, and what inspired the change in this woman first is what Fiona steered her back to for more inspiration. This is so true!

For me, hands down it was first the book Entre Nous, then the French Chic group, then I found Anne Barone. Other books followed after that, but these were the triggers for me, the ones that got me truly excited. It was like opening another door that showed it's possible to live this way. I think it changed me forever, (in my mind). Implementing those changes into my daily life has been much harder than I thought it would be.

This post will explain why I'm going to once and for all make permanent changes in my own life that align with French Chic rules. These are my rules. They may be different for someone else, but I'm choosing what is important to me.

What I've learned is that French Chic is more than a mental epiphany that you agree with. If you want to live it, you must decide and then take small daily steps toward that goal. It's not a grand sweeping gesture or a one-time makeover.

There is never a perfect time when the stars will align for your start date. If you are resolved to stand on your own and live this lifestyle, you must give in to daily effort. Effort needs to be planned, scheduled and eventually, bad habits will be replaced with good ones. It's all about finding your own personal road map.

For me, it's been very stop and go and that doesn't work. This all or nothing approach is like dieting, you either are on it, or you are not. It's temporary if you are not resolved to personal change for good. I have finally realized I'm going for a permanent lifestyle change. Change takes a bit of reprogramming, especially as women who tend to analyze and think too much.

I feel like I'm on the verge of something great and important to me. It's as if there is hope and a chance to improve my life in ways that truly matter to me. I'm ready to be honest and kick my bad habits to the curb. I'm ready to reclaim my life and live exactly how I want to live, down to the last details. It will require giving up some things that comfort me. Here are just a few of my bad habits, consider yourself warned:

-being lazy-couch surfing-watching too much reality tv-hiding behind my fat-letting trashy influences in my life-gossip-anger-fear-pity-eating junk food-eating fast food-eating out too much-shopping out of boredom and with no real plan-worrying what others think-fear of criticism-bad grooming habits-frumpiness-being ordinary-dressing safe-boring shoes-not having a signature look-rarely going out-instant gratification-not finishing projects-not having a hobby-eating in front of the tv-eating in secret-overspending on impulse-not participating in life-not seeking pleasure-insecurity-sporadic flossing :)-in general a lack of regular maintenance-lack of exercise-and the list goes on and on and on and on...

Each and every one of these could be a post on its own. This is important to me, as if my future depends on it. Before I always thought French Chic was something I could dabble in, but never become. Now I get it, I can change if I really want to. It's sort of like bringing your Inner French Girl to the forefront of your life and morphing into her. She's not someone you keep hidden away only to prance her out every once in a while. What's the use in keeping your best hidden?

My first role model is Coco Chanel pictured above. I admire her drive and determination to create a life. She had her own look, her own ideas, and she didn't waver. She fought for her own vision and was successful. She also overcame a tragic childhood to become a confident strong woman. I think she had fantastic instincts.

Reader Question

Wendy from Canada wrote and asked me -

"How do you regain your chicness when you have "fallen off the wagon"? For example, last Fall I bought some new clothes, improved my hair and makeup, lost a few pounds and had been doing a lot of interesting reading about the chic lifestyle. I felt really good!

Now I am feeling blah- don't feel chic at all. Just received some recent photos of myself from a family dinner where I look terrible (of course my sister circulated them widely.)

Does this happen to you? How do you get the chic feeling back?

How do the French gals keep feeling chic consistently? Constantly buying new things and treatments is not an option for me.

I think this question is such a great one. I know exactly what you mean about things being blah. I highly doubt French girls buy new things and have treatments to feel better. They don't throw away their money like we (I) do (used to).

In your family photos do you mean you look unchic because you have gained weight and your clothes don't look as good as you imagined? I usually find this is the main thing - I have been slack with my chic eating and kilos sneak on. Well they don't sneak on, but I ignore them for a while. Or sometimes the way I've done my hair is not flattering (usually from doing the least I can get away with - terrible!).

Just as you have listed what you did last year - buying some new clothes, improving hair and makeup, watching what you eat and becoming a bit slimmer in the process and keeping up with your reading, I think you may have answered your own question. You probably won't need to spend any money though - you already have the new clothes, it's just a matter of fitting better into them.

I think for me I get all enthused at a change and after a while it becomes routine, but rather than let it stay as my new 'French-inspired regime' I slip back to old habits. We have to remind ourselves constantly, and re-remember what it was that inspired us - go back to the books or websites you read.

Anne Barone is where my initial excitement for the French life came from and I still get a thrill picking up one of her books. It brings back to me that magical feeling that I had from discovering something new and fun.

Printouts I have kept, magazine articles I have torn out and books I have in my home library all remind me and re-excite me too. Can you remember where it was first that you heard about chic French women, the European way of life, being chic and slim? Try going back there.

And of course, maybe you are just tired out and a bit overwhelmed if you have a lot on your plate. It’s amazing how fast good intentions of chic changes fly out the window when life happens. In that case it’s a matter of dealing with what you have to and making the most of what little energy you have left. Keeping up with the basics of self-care is a good goal during busy times.

Making lists of how I want to be is a great inspirer too. I make lists of the attributes that my most elegant self possesses, my ideal Paris girl wardrobe, how my dream home looks and functions, just to name a few. Reading through them helps me want to be that way and resist temptation or make the extra effort. At the very least I can daydream.

Think of yourself as a project and advise yourself accordingly as if you were a wise, older (probably French) girlfriend. What would you say? It is so easy to give others advice, and it is quite effective to view yourself from without. I always come up with really good ideas for myself (whether I take them on is another matter altogether).

Even at the end of the day it’s not too late to start afresh. If your day has been frazzled and stressful, why not choose an early night over opening a kingsize bar of chocolate and reality tv. How much more nicer (and infinitely more chic) would it be to wash your face and then read in your tidied-up bedroom with soft music playing.

And then, there is always the option of being realistic. It’s quite a relief to think ‘I don’t have to be anyone other than who I am. I can make the most of what I have and be happy with that.’ After all, what is more attractive than a big smile and healthy self-confidence about a person. Sometimes when I’m sure people are looking at me thinking ‘who does she think she is’ (and I am feeling suitably intimidated), how are we to know they are not thinking the exact same thing?

Wendy, I hope these ideas have been helpful. I would also ask my lovely readers if they have any suggestions for Wendy and the rest of us. How do you get that chic feeling back when you are feeling less than motivated?

Image from Paris Daily Photo

Having discipline

The French woman famously has ‘steely discipline’ when it comes to matters pertaining to everything. In her grooming, how she dresses, the way she carries herself in public, in not drinking too much, what she spends her money on and the amount of outside events she allows into her life.

I don’t know about steely discipline, but some discipline would be helpful. I may rebel against myself at first, but I am slowly coming to understand that when we limit ourselves, it’s a better thing overall. And the more you use it, the easier it seems to become.

Think about how you might be with none. Possibly this was you as a teenager or in your twenties. The thing is, you can get away with it then. You can stay out late and still look good the next day. If it’s done too often though, time catches up and you can see it on the faces of those who don’t take the time to look after themselves.

Imagine again the disciplined you. You wake at the same (early-ish) time each day. You go to bed (mostly) at roughly the same time. You have one or two glasses of wine only a few days per week and enjoy nutritious and delicious food in small amounts. You allow yourself plenty of time to get ready in the morning and attend to your wardrobe and home regularly, thus preventing meltdowns when something that is needed is in the wash, or people are coming over and the house is a tip.

Getting ahead of myself is the best way I find to keep on top of things and feel happy and contented. I plan ahead at least a few days at a time and make notes in my diary of things I want to do. I know that I am a lot nicer to be around on the days when I have put things away as I’ve used them, planned what I’m making for dinner, and have clothes that are clean for yoga.

Last week on my day at home I did a big pile of mending which I had been putting off. Sewing buttons on, mending thin patches in jeans, hemming pants that were slightly too long. The next day was such a thrill to get dressed for work as I had all these lovely, tailored-for-me clothes hanging up. Things like this take discipline but instead of seeing it as a bind, I can choose to see it as helping me be free.

Image of Audrey Tautou from sofeminine.co.uk. Do you you think she looks like this by eating chips lying on the sofa?

Laws of (French Chic) Success

Originally posted on La Vie En Fifi, 17 November 2009

I used to listen a lot to tapes of business dynamos like Tony Robbins and Brian Tracy hoping they would turn me into a corporate go-getter. Well that didn’t happen, but I did learn a lot of interesting and useful information.

One of the best was a Brian Tracy series: The Universal Laws of Success and Achievement. Here are some of my favourite ‘laws’ from the first session: The Laws of Success. I already know they apply to everything in life, but coming back to them after reading all the French Chic books I have, was surprised how much they apply to creating a more European lifestyle too.

Thoughts objectify themselves. You become what you think about.

To achieve success in any area, you must have a clear image of that success in your mind – a mental picture of your idea of success.

Your outer life will mirror your inner life. There is a direct correspondence between your experiences and your thoughts and attitudes.

Whatever you believe… deeply… becomes your reality.

What you truly value and believe in is reflected in your actions, even though your words may say otherwise.

Whatever you concentrate on and think about repeatedly, becomes more a part of your inner life, and consequently your outer life.

Virtually all we do is automatic, the result of habit. Habits that move us away from our goals must be changed.

You are a living magnet. You attract people, events and circumstances that harmonise with your dominant thoughts.

You are free to choose what you think about, and therefore free to choose all other parts of your life.

A positive mental attitude goes with success and happiness. Optimism makes you cheerful and pleasant, and more likely to succeed.

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I especially like the last two. I think things do seem to go your way more when you are happy and I'm sure people definitely respond to the positivity of others. The 'living magnet' one too made me think of all the lovely bloggers I've 'met' and blogs I have read on the subjects of French chic, simple living, living well with less, downsizing and frugality.

Image from Hip Paris blog, with accompanying cool checklist on How to be a Parisienne

Go to bed earlier, get up earlier

Originally posted on La Vie En Fifi, 15 March 2010

I read this advice on The English Organizer, about how to gain time. All the tips are fab, but the one that resonated with me most was about going to bed earlier and getting up earlier. For the past few months, I have been getting up an hour earlier, all so I can drink hot tea with milk and read – usually blogs, less often a book or magazine. I can have a lovely time catching up on all my favourite blogs and do my own writing. It’s now routine for me to get up earlier and I absolutely love this time.

In the height of summer when I started doing this it was lovely and light already, but now we creep towards Autumn it’s a little dark at first (I get up around 6-6.30am, not that early compared to a lot of folk. Our shop doesn’t open until 9.30am so we often leave for work around 9am) but I still enjoy this early time, even if the blinds are still down and the lights are on for the first part.

It’s guilt free time too. I know it’s not good to surf the net when at work – there are important things to do there, and being self employed I’m not doing myself any favours. And in the evenings I feel like a terrible wife glued to the laptop screen while my husband is sitting by himself on the sofa. So I get my fix first thing. And I’ve restarted my ‘book’, you know, the book we’re all writing. I feel like a bit of a fraud writing, I don’t know why. But I love reading so much and I have told myself – even if no one else reads it. Write a book you would like to read.

One I just finished and which I enjoyed immensely is A Spring Affair by Millly Johnson. I do love chick lit to relax and escape – there is so much uninspiring formulaic stuff out there though that it’s exciting to find a new author. Some I love are Sophie Kinsella (all of them), Emily Giffin (all of them) and Emily Barr (have only read Plan B but loved it – and it had a French angle).

I picked up A Spring Affair from the library new releases shelf and upon reading the back cover found it was, ta da, a new genre ‘decluttering chick lit’. Imagine! I had to borrow it of course and found it was such a lovely, funny, enjoyable book which actually had me in tears over my breakfast at the end. I love those books! And it had decluttering advice all the way through. A book tailor made for me I think. And maybe you too if you're a chick lit fan and as obsessed with decluttering as I am.

I went to the author’s website after I had finished and apart from a section on decluttering (yay), found tips for budding authors. If nothing else, she said, write 250 words per day, no matter what, and at the end of the year you will have a 91,000 word book. And don’t edit, just keep writing. Edit right at the end otherwise you will lose momentum. So that’s what I’m doing in the morning now. Before I start anything else, I write at least 250 words and then I am free to bring up Google Reader to read all those inspiring blog posts.

So I can heartily endorse The English Organizer’s advice on going to bed earlier and getting up earlier. After all she says, what do you do in the last hour of the evening anyway, lie there on the sofa thinking I’m too tired to get up and wash my face, watching tv that isn’t even any good, nothing actually productive. Sometimes I do that exact thing and go to bed at 11pm. That’s only 7 hours sleep – not nearly enough! I like to start getting ready for bed around 9 and be in bed reading by 9.30-10. I aim for 9 hours sleep like apparently French women get, but 8 is a good minimum.

Update: I still go to bed earlier (mostly) and get up earlier (more often) a year after reading this advice. I really, really love my early morning time with a cup of hot tea. And recently I borrowed the audio book of A Spring Affair from the library and listened to it in the car (12 cds!) over the course of a month. It was so enjoyable.

Image from fantasticfiction.co.uk

How to look taller and slimmer

Once upon a time I had another blog called La Vie En Fifi. It started out as a place to keep my family up to date, and then somehow, somehow, my inner French girl started taking over. I decided to stop writing on that blog, and create a new one where she could reign supreme.

There were a few posts I thought would go quite nicely here, so I'm going to repost them over the next few weeks. If you used to read La Vie En Fifi you may remember some of them.

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How to look taller and slimmer
Originally posted on La Vie En Fifi, 4 September 2009

I have been working on my posture lately. There seems to be nothing more instantly beautifying. From slumping in a chair to sitting up straight with my shoulders pulled back surely must be nicer for my husband to look at (and he has commented on my good posture in the past so men must notice such things).

Rather than telling myself 'sit up', it's far easier to imagine an invisible thread attached to the top of my head, pulling myself up. I think this is the best piece of advice I have ever read.

I imagine the invisible string when I am sitting at the computer, getting up from the sofa, out walking, standing at work. It works every time. Having better posture is much more effortless this way, and really, why should it be? The power of the mind is incredible.

Another thing I do which is semi-related: when getting up or sitting down - I don't use my hands. It strengthens better muscles than your arms (like your abs) and you look more elegant than hoisting yourself up to standing position, or schlumping down.

Image of the divinely postured Aerin Lauder from harpersbazaar.com

How to Seduce

Yesterday I had a hair appointment to keep. In the almost three hours I was there (I know) I read a lot of magazines. Thankfully they had plenty of new Australian Vogues and Marie Claires. One magazine, Grazia, had a great article on -

How to Seduce a Man

Well, I had to take notes. All the suggestions were so good, I thought they would benefit me in day-to-day life and also, even though I am already married, with my husband. You see, they aren’t all just about seduction, but how to be attractive generally. I really love articles like that.

I wrote down the headings, and now I’m going to remember, paraphrase and add my own notes.

Wear red. This colour makes you more attractive to men. I too often notice how nice a woman looks when they wear red. It makes your skin look a little flushed perhaps, in a good way. Whatever colour you wear (on your top half at least), picks up the colour on your face. That’s why pinks and peaches are so flattering as well, and perhaps could be a less intense option for a top. And why black is not ideal, even though we all love wearing it – it picks up black circles under the eyes!

Show 40% of skin. I think this was aimed more at dressing up for an evening out. 40% is the ideal amount. Anything less and you risk sinking into dowdy territory, any more and you will end up seducing your man in a less chic way, and showing yourself off as being very available. It probably would work for daytime too. A French women is famous for showcasing just one part of herself, whether it's great legs, toned arms or a silky-smooth decolletage. If every single part is covered up you wouldn't really notice, but imagine a women in well-fitted jeans and slender-cut t-shirt, that when she turns around shows a back-revealing detail. Ooh la la.

Be well-rested. This article claimed that men were shown pictures of women from two groups – one group had plenty of sleep and one group had no sleep. Of course they chose the well-rested group as more attractive. I can’t argue with that. And for heavens sake don’t wear a black top on a day when you didn’t get enough sleep!

Smile 35 times an hour. Women who smiled every 1.7 minutes were considered more attractive than those who smiled less. Does that seem like a lot of smiling? I remember from my (second) wedding day I had sore cheeks the next day from smiling for photos and well-wishers. So perhaps a little less smiling than that. The charity shop near me has the most pinch-faced old bat behind the counter. Even when I am dropping off really nice donations she can’t force a smile out. I bought a book from there a few days ago and she handed me my book and change and I actually waited until she made eye contact with me and then smiled at her and waited for the return smile... it eventually came, a tight, miser-ish little smile. Geesh, they don't cost anything love. I feel a bit mean about 'making' her smile, but it was fun. And on the other side of the scale, people I've met who I often think 'aren't they just so nice' are the ones that smile, a lot.

Touch him subtly. When you’re talking to a man, whether it’s someone you met in a bar, your boyfriend or your husband, make a point to subtly touch him to make a point. Perhaps on the arm or shoulder. Not too much though, don't be one of those women (an over-toucher Seinfeld would probably call her). I think non-bedroom touching is very important in a relationship. A quick shoulder-rub going past your man when he's sitting down, a touch on the hand, quick kiss on the neck.

Wear a spicy-floral fragrance. Apparently you will appear 5kg / 10 pounds thinner. And who doesn’t want that? I was pleased to see that Chanel No. 5 has spicy components as well as powdery florals. There are many other spicy-florals that aren’t as heavy as straight out oriental perfumes. Dolce Vita I know is one, from my days at Dior, as is the original Dior Addict in the dark blue bottle. One of my husband’s friends used to give me a hug when he saw me and exclaim in raptures whenever I wore Dior Addict. After he met his wife, he did it a few times and then stopped. I think she had words with him that she'd rather he went into raptures over her instead. I don’t blame her!

Be charitable and a better person. Even if they don’t know it, men are always sizing up a potential female partner as the mother of his children. If he sees that you are a kind person he is likely to think more of you. I’ve read often that men want their women to be a better version of themselves. They put us up on a pedestal and look to us as the moral guider. That’s a tall ask I know. It also makes me try and be a better person. Again, in my observations of other women, isn’t it a not-nice shock to discover that someone you admired and thought to be lovely ended up being a bit sneaky or mean-spirited? I don’t want to be one of those women. I want my husband to think I am saint-like, heavenly and kind-hearted.

Talk to him with head slightly tilted forward. Something about looking up at him and being slightly submissive. It sounds quite hard to do without looking silly. What I do know though, when you see aggressive women on tv (likely in a reality show like Top Model) they talk with their head held back and up, and look arrogant and aggressive. They don’t exactly come across as feminine or even remotely likeable.

Wear a little makeup. Finally, the article says men may profess to like women a la naturale, with no makeup at all. The study shows another story though. The women with scrubbed clean faces were rated as less attractive as women who were very lightly made up. The key point was a contrast between features and skin. So mascara, lipstick, blush and defined brows are important. What I think it is that men don't like is makeup put on with a trowel and spider-leg eyelashes.

What would you add to this list? Care to refute anything? I would love to hear your comments. Wanting to be feminine and have men find you attractive is quite controversial in our modern Western society. But isn’t that what French women have been doing forever? I know it’s not for everyone, but for me, I love talking about all this girly stuff.

Reasons to Smile

I found this list in English magazine ‘Woman’. I liked all the tips so much I thought I couldn’t not share them with you.

Often these types of lists are clichéd and pointless (if that’s not too harsh). This one makes me want to smile more so I can be younger, happier, healthier and more popular!

5 great reasons to smile

1. Smiling makes us more attractive, so if you’re trying to impress, a smile will draw people in.

2. A smile changes your mood for the better – even if you don’t feel like smiling, it actually tricks the body into feeling better by releasing endorphins.

3. You’ll look instantly younger. The muscles you use to smile lift the face, making you appear younger.

4. It lowers your blood pressure. When you smile there’s a measurable reduction in your blood pressure readings.

5. Smiling relieves stress. It also helps to stop you looking tired, worn out and overwhelmed, so making you better able to cope.

Embracing the New Year

Even though it’s only a date and another day, the new year feels different. I’m excited at the year to come, and full of optimism of how I can better myself.

We have been away on holiday. Our shop was closed for ten days and we were staying at a lovely, sleepy beach town a short drive from where we live. Mr Atlas had a week in the country with my Poodle Rescue and retired poodle breeder friend Faye.

A beach town yes, but a beach town which has a twelve level luxurious (to us) high-rise resort/apartment building, one block from a beautiful swimming beach and with Indian restaurants, a grotty yet fun bar and various shops within a two minute walking distance. That’s my kind of beach town. The picture above is the view from our level five apartment.

As much as I’ve enjoyed our end of year holiday (I typed most of this post in my bikini before going for a late morning swim) my head is full of possibilities at home.

Coming back home from being away somewhere (whether it’s a decent length of time or a long weekend) I am always itching to get back home and get stuck into all the little projects I am planning (and have half-finished). I think it’s imperative I go away on a regular basis just so I get things done!

My focus this year is ORGANISATION. By being more organised at home I can be more:

Serene
Relaxed
Slimmer
Calmer
Happier

And many more good ways to be.

I started decluttering within the last two years, and have gained a lot, but clutter creeps up on you doesn’t it? My husband calls it recluttering when I come home from the Salvation Army charity store with a new candle, rustic basket or book.

And having my 40th birthday in October and then Christmas - both times in which I’ve been given lovely gifts of course. Well, our small home is now bursting at the seams. I know, it's a very Western society problem to have when you have too many gorgeous things and can't move for them.

I am full of the possibilities of making our home very similar to the luxury high-rise apartment we stayed at the beach in. From the nature of holiday accommodation it isn’t filled with the ‘stuff’ we have in our homes. It even has floor length white gauzy curtains which blow softly in the breeze, a la my ideal French girl Sabine’s Paris apartment.

And of course I have Edith Piaf playing in the background while I dream of our sparsely furnished home where every cupboard and drawer is neat and organised.

This year I will have a ‘Slim Pantry’ like Anne Barone’s. I have streamlined it fairly recently, but you can’t do it once, it needs ongoing maintenance to straighten out and find unused items which can be incorporated into a meal.

I will also have a wardrobe in which I divide into three sections:

Clothing which looks fabulous and is comfortable on me right now.
Clothing which I love but is maybe a little... snug... to be put away and tried on at a later date.
Clothing which looks frumpy and plain on me at any weight and/or is a scratchy fabric. This clothing is being boxed up and shipped out.

Over the coming months I will be visiting every cupboard, drawer and storage hidey-hole. I will be refining my possessions and using up what I’ve got, before going out to any store. I will be examining how I spend my time, and how I think.

Even though I could move right into a French-style decorated home, and have a number of gilt-type pieces around the house now, I am inspired most by simple, plain and airy homes like Tara Dennis shows. I have her book ‘Home – Classic Essentials for Easy Living’. I will keep it to hand to remind me what I am aiming for.

I will not decide when I’ve made a small improvement that that is enough. As a procrastinator and a perfectionist I have to be bold and trust that I know best!

Chic Habits

Having mystique at home/from your significant other. I read an article recently about two women who wrote a book on having a happy relationship. Julienne Davis and Maggie Arana have a book out called Stop Calling Him Honey and Start Having Sex. It sort of tells you right there in the title doesn't it?

Apparently there are a number of behaviours which can damage the dynamics of your relationship, and baby talk/names is right up there. By calling your sweetheart, well sweetheart, or darling or dear (even worse they say are baby-talk names like Beanybum or McMuffin Poopencakes - an actual one they came across) you are giving him the same generic nick-name as your barista or child.

I am guilty of this. I use 'sweetheart', but I also call kids in the shop trying on shoes 'sweetheart'. Better to use your husband's *gasp* actual name. Apparently as hard as that sounds (and it does to me, it sounds really formal), it will get easier and 'you'll soon realise you're thinking about him in a different way, and he's responding to you better.'

The authors are not professionals, but say the book is a result of 'ten years of the two of us searching and finally finding what really works to keep a couple's sex life hot'.

One of the authors said 'Looking back, I realised that my own sex life began to disappear when my partner and I started using pet names and baby talk with each other. We seemed like the perfect couple because we truly did love each other's company, but at home, we had so many bad habits going on that feeling sexual with each other was virtually impossible.'

Other bad habits include leaving the toilet door open (when you're in there), watching tv with dinner and letting 'bodily noises' hang out in his presence. These things are harmful to your sexual desire for each other. 'Apparently, failing to shut the bathroom door begins a downward spiral that ultimately turns lovers in roommates. "Certain barriers are worth rebuilding. Give yourself more privacy for a couple of weeks. Trust me, you'll feel sexier",' says one of the authors.

It made me think about how I conduct myself when at home with my husband. There are a few things to tweak to ensure our ongoing happy couplehood.

Close the bathroom or toilet door at all times. When I am brushing my teeth or washing my face doesn’t sound that bad, but why show him at all. Rather than see me with a whizzing toothbrush and foaming mouth, why not walk into the bathroom, close the door, then come out with a minty fresh smile.

Same with washing my face, I will go into the bathroom, close the door, before emerging with a fragrant, smooth and clean face. No hairband, no goo on my face, no raccoon eyes as I’m half done.

I mostly shut the toilet door, by mostly I mean if he’s near. But if my husband is downstairs and I am up, I don’t. It’s not a big effort to shut a door, so I plan to do this all the time, even when I am home alone. It’s a good habit to keep my mystique!

The authors say you don't need to dress up in sexy lingerie, you don't need to go see a therapist and 'you don't need to change who you are or spend a fortune to save your sex life. You just need to clear away all the stuff that's got in the way of the sexual dynamic you used to have.'

This is one thing I can start today (in fact I started yesterday) to improve my life with minimal effort and no expense. Just a change in thinking.

If you'd care to join me, please let us know what chic habits you would like to bring into your life, either on your own blog or in the comments here.

30 Chic Days – Day Twenty Eight

Day 28: Don’t talk about being chic

Nothing is less chic than someone constantly speaking or complaining about their appearance or some other aspect of their life. Practice the art of mystery. If someone compliments you on a top you are wearing, say ‘thank you’ and ‘I’m glad you like it’. You do not want to say ‘oh, I’ve had this for ages, but it’s getting a bit old now’ or ‘I just bought it today, it was on sale’.

I had birthday drinks with a friend recently, who in detail explained to the entire group how her new diamond earrings given to her by her boyfriend came from a cut price place AND she got them cheaper because one of them was bent. Now I’m all for a bargain, but it’s for you to know and them never to find out. Whenever I see her in her diamond earrings, do you think I’m going to remember ‘Cut Price Discount Store’? Or if she had only said they were a lovely gift, I would look at them and think ‘lucky girl’.

Also, do not in conversation bring up your current diet or insecurities. You are only drawing attention to parts of you that you don’t want people to see or know about. By pointing them out you are shining a spotlight on them. Much better to glide into a room confidently and serenely, and make conversation with people by being interested in them and asking questions.

Of course I am doing exactly what I am saying not to do on this blog, but this, along with your closest girlfriends in a private setting, are the exceptions. In all other cases French-style mystique is the goal.

30 Chic Days – Day Nine

Day 9: Go to bed early

It’s an often quoted fact that the later you go to bed, the fatter you are likely to be. It seems to be a couple of factors at play – staying up late makes you more tired the next day so you look for a high-energy fix to keep you going, and the body has biological functions that happen at night when you are resting. If you aren’t asleep at the time they happen, you miss out.

Does that sound right? I’m not a scientist (far from it), but I choose to believe them. It’s so easy to say up and noodle around doing nothing, and then go to bed late. And then read. And then turn the light off when it’s really late. And then wake up late. I think you see where I’m heading here.

So I’m reminding myself (and you, if you want) that to go to bed early is divine (and something else, you know the saying). It will keep you youthful and fresh-faced for longer. You will also not believe how good a mood you are in all the time.

I always wash my face just before I go to bed. It’s much more pleasurable to remove my makeup meticulously and apply all the nourishing goodness in a careful manner when it’s 9.15pm, rather than when I’m tired out at 10.30pm.

Goodnight.

30 Chic Days – Day Seven

Day 7: Have a day of rest

Give yourself a break. Like those of you with high standards (both of ourselves and others) I find that I get so wound up with not having done everything perfectly (and sometimes just having just ‘done’ everything. I am so behind with my work at the moment) and stressed out. This is not good for tranquillity or a wrinkle-free face.

I have to tell myself relax - nothing is life or death. Write a list out and see what’s important. Do those first. And relax again. Slow down.

I heard this quote on the radio last week. It imagine it would probably be true.

‘A shift in consciousness results in a shift in biology’. – Deepak Chopra

By worrying, I am not doing my body or mind any favours. It could actually be making me unwell and older. Most of the time you don’t have to do ‘everything’, just the important things will suffice.

If you look at yourself from the outside in, viewing yourself as you would another person, would you respect the frazzled, martyr-ish stress freak, or the relaxed and calm person who glides about their day, ticking things off their list.

Not all days are like that, but with a change in mindset, I'm sure most of them can be. I'm starting today.