What to wear at home

I have always been interested in how to live a life of style covering all parts of my life. I don’t just want to look stylish when I go out though and be a slob at home in a house that is dull and dirty.

I want to be like those magazine articles that describe what off-duty models wear, and also the ones that interview famous, fashionable faces.

These interviews ask many questions and the famous, fashionable person describes how their typical day might run, how they decorate their home, what they wear when they do their errands. There are little pictures scattered around of their favourite things too. Have you noticed there is always a Diptyque candle pictured in these spreads?

Often the stylish people are described as wearing a practical day-to-day outfit and a face scrubbed of makeup. Come on. They have spent hours getting ready!

One of the topics that interests me though is how to be stylish when at home with my loved one, to be comfortable and practical but sexy and not frumpy.

Once upon a time when I was first married (to my first husband) I remember in the winter wearing tracksuit pants with gathered ankles (and a gathered waist), a sweatshirt and socks at home. The only boxes it ticked were comfortable, practical (and frumpy). Not sexy or stylish.

No wonder that marriage bombed (I sound like I am taking marriage too lightly, I’m not, it wasn’t the track pants that were to blame, not entirely anyway).

Over the years I have been refining my home ‘lounge wear’ two ways: firstly by using items of clothing that are no longer good enough to wear to work or out (but are still in good nick) or by purchasing inexpensive but good quality basics for the express purpose of wearing them at home (first photo at the top of this post).

I haven’t bought anything for a while, and I was becoming in danger of slipping into frump zone. A friend gave me a pair of leggings that I thought I would never wear (due to having worn them in the 80s and apparently you should never wear a trend twice, and also the fact that my bottom is very round).

However, one day I slipped them on with a clingy long-sleeved t-shirt and found that not only were they much warmer than my wide-leg yoga pants (there was no air getting up the legs) but my husband’s eyes almost fell out. ‘Oh’, he said ‘those look very sexy on. You should wear leggings more, they really suit your figure and are so flattering.’

That was last winter. Now it is summer here and too warm for heavyweight full-length leggings. So I went shopping and spent not much at all for my new summer home loungewear.

Last night I debuted a pair of black leggings, ¾ length with ruched sides (at the hem), and a frog/grass green long singlet/tunic top. It comes down over my bum and almost looks like a mini-dress over the leggings. It clings becomingly around my ribs, without being skin-tight. I tried a larger size than normal but it just looked the dreaded frumpy. And a long top balanced out my short-waist.

(picture below, in new lounge wear, grey marle and green)

I was comfortable all evening, could curl up in the armchair like I imagine an off-duty model or actress might (that’s the thing that might inspire me to be slim, being able to curl up that way, because I put on weight around my stomach!) and my man’s first words? ‘That’s sexy’, said appreciatively.

Not frumpy! I am not doing frumpy at 41, I am doing sexy (sexy at home, just for him, I’m not going out to the pub in this just so you know). And I’m not exactly thin, just a good solid medium size. But with a comfortable bra on, one that I don’t mind wearing at home (the underwire doesn’t dig in, hoorah!) and the slimming qualities of the legging waistband I didn’t have any undesired lumps and bumps and could almost pass for slender.


I also bought the ruched ¾ leggings in grey marle, and ankle length pairs for Autumn in navy and black. My other singlet tops were bought in black and navy. Lots of mixing and matching can go on and I will always have a clean set.

I wash my black/dark clothing separately in ‘black wash’ too, which keeps it looking fresh and new. My legs encased in black leggings flecked with white is not good at all, but that will never happen. The thrifty me says ‘throw everything in together, then you’ll only have one wash’ (warm water, power cost etc), the French Chic me counters ‘don’t you want to look after your clothes properly and have them looking nicer for longer?’

So I do it.

An added bonus of feeling chic and elegant and Parisienne was being more mindful of the amount and quality of calories I put in my mouth. I was still comfortable, but aware of my figure. A winning combo for me.

Should You Take Starting a Law Firm Classes in Law School?

The origin of this post, as with many posts, is a reader question. I wanted to take a minute, while I've got your attention here at the top of the page, to point out that I absolutely love reader questions. Although a big part of this blog is documenting my journey of starting a law firm, it's also become a way for me to specifically talk to all of you out there that are thinking about opening your own shop. And, while I can guess what you are thinking and what you'd like to know based on my own experience, I'd much rather just have you ask me questions that I can answer. If they are good questions, we can start a discussion in the comments. If they are great questions, I'll write a separate post about them and we can discuss from there.

Whether or not to take starting a law firm classes in law school seemed to me to be a great question, so here we are discussing it.

Solo Practice Law Firm Curriculum

I must admit two things here as we get started on this post. First, I didn't take a class like this when I was in law school, and I don't think one was offered (I was in law school 2002-2005). Second, as with most of these posts, I'm writing off the cuff here, so hopefully if we veer off track we get back on eventually.

As I'm sitting here thinking about whether or not a class like this would be worth your time I guess what's most important is what the curriculum is. I can think of some things I think would be vital to learn in a class like this, namely:

Creating a business plan;

Creating a marketing plan (not the same thing as a business plan in my book);

Basic accounting (Quickbooks 101 - not whatever you learn in business law);

Marketing 101 (this would be a practical part of the class - the plan would be theory);

And then the rest of the class would be spent talking about what it means to own a business, what it means to be a business owner as opposed to a lawyer, and everything that goes along with that.

If the curriculum is filled with things like "how to pick the best printer" and "should you have a virtual office or a real office or a home office," I would probably pass. You might have some of that in a how to start a law firm class, but those things aren't rocket science - you need a printer, go get a printer.

You couldn't tell, but I just did a little bit of web browsing to see what was being offered out there by law schools. I wasn't too impressed, to be honest with you. And, I don't even have high expectations. I mean, what can you expect to get from a law school, whose sole purpose for many many years has been to teach the law? Flexibility, strategic thinking, marketing, and other business concepts are simply foreign to most law school professors, administrators, and other faculty.

On the Bright Side, It Can't Hurt

This has been a long journey for me. In that time I've learned a lot about running a law firm. I've also learned a lot about what I don't want to do to run a law firm. This course, for you, is probably just going to be an experience you have to get involved in if you're thinking about starting a solo law practice out of law school. Even if you get one good nugget out of the experience, it's probably worth it. You'll also get to hang out with the coolest kids in law school.

What I Would do if I Were Opening My Firm Right Out of Law School

I've already talked about what I would do if I were opening a law firm right out of law school before, so I'll give you the abbreviated version here.

1. Get in that class. It's law school credit, you'll probably make some good contacts, and you might even learn something you can take with you.

2. Start reading everything you can get your hands on. I'd read every starting a law firm book you can, every sales book that interests you, the one about the "E-myth" (can't remember the exact name), and any other book I've ever mentioned on here.

3. Find a mentor, probably someone that is not in your practice area but that is in one that works similar to yours (i.e. criminal defense and personal injury are related in the way they work in a lot of ways). Buy them lunch and ask them as many questions as you can.

4. Get a job with someone that is successful in the area you want to practice in and then watch everything they do - keep the good stuff and forget the bad.

5. Stop worrying about how to practice law and start thinking a lot about how you are going to get clients.

6. If you can find someone that can offer you an experience like this, take it.

Pretty easy, right? :)

Okay. Now's the time you let me know what you think. Comments, questions, thoughts, and whatever else you can type are welcome.

Plot your story at random

Dear readers,

Hello. It’s been too long. A How To Write Badly Well book has now been put together and is with the publisher. I will, of course, keep you updated. In the meantime, I thought we could try something a bit different.

Authors are asked all the time where their ideas come from. Usually they mumble something about scenic walks or reading the newspaper, then mention the title of their book again and glance meaningfully towards a bookshop. In an attempt to answer this tricky question once and for all, I have decided to turn storytelling into a quantifiable science (this has, in fact, been done before – see Vladimir Propp). To this end, I present the first in a series of handy tools for the muse-averse writer:

The Amazing Random Blurb Roller (pdf)

Use it wisely and please feel free to post your results in the comments section below.

All the best,

Joel

Drawing Solutions--How Visual Maps Help Your Book-Writing Dreams Come True

I first met Patti Dobrowolski at a seminar on the East Coast, at a time when I was trying to manifest a new goal with my writing--finish and get my book on writing, Your Book Starts Here, published at last. I knew I was stuck.  I felt overwhelmed by the need for a good editor and a bigger vision for the book.

I had lots of chapters, but I knew they weren't especially good.

Patti is a fireball on stage.  She loves what she does, which is mostly about drawing or visually mapping the goal-setting process.  She handed out copies of a simple goal-setting worksheet made up of three parts:  (1) a place to describe the vision of how you'd be or feel when your goal was realized, (2) any obstacles that stood between you and your goal, and (3) three bold steps to take.

Patti is the founder of Up Your Creative Genius, a consulting firm that uses visuals and creative processes to help companies and individuals around the world accelerate growth and change. A critically acclaimed comic performer, internationally recognized keynote speaker, writer and business consultant. She talked about how she'd imagined getting into a Broadway show in New York, and how she used this goal-setting method to imagine it.  Of course, it came true.  Since then, Patti has brought her innovative visual practices to NGOs, Fortune 500 companies, small businesses and individuals around the world.


So, in that seminar, I wrote down my vision for my book project.  I imagined finding a wonderful editor who would help me take it the final steps to publication.  I saw it being the basis for my classes, and I wrote down how it would benefit all the writers who would use it. 

Three Bold Steps
The last aspect--three bold steps--intrigued me the most.  I thought about this seriously.  What would be my wildest dream?  First, to find a fabulous editor who believed in my book and would be able to help me take the final steps in shaping it.  I knew such an editor in New York, but she was pretty busy.  I took a deep breath and wrote as one of my bold steps to email her and ask.  She might think I was insane but it really wouldn't hurt.

The second bold step was to take the plunge and get my website revamped.  It was old and tired, and I knew just the right person to help with that.  But what I had in mind would cost thousands.  Was I really able to justify the cost right now?  Would it make that much difference?  I imagined the book being published, people visiting the site, and decided yes.

The third bold step was about my book cover.  I wanted something really great.  I also wanted the interior to look amazing, with some graphics and a clean feel and wide margins for taking notes.  So I wrote down:  Find a designer and typesetter whose work I love.

After the seminar, even though I was reinvigorated by Patti's unique method, I put the chart away as life went on.  Daily demands took me away from my book ideas and it wasn't until a month later that I remembered Patti's chart and what I had promised myself.  I found it and looked over my three bold steps.  They still seemed incredibly scary to me, but I knew they were what I wanted.  I started taking action.

Miracles Happened!  This Method Works!
The editor, to my drop-dead astonishment, said yes.  She and I began working together and within months the manuscript took shape, becoming something so much better than I could've imagined.  With the enthusiasm of that success behind me, I contacted the website designer and forked over the money to start working with her.  When she sent me the template for her redesign I was astonished again--a huge step up.  Amazingly, she also did book design work and I talked with her about a possible cover.  Again, the results were better than I had imagined.  The best typesetter in the world was also easy to find.

Was this magic?  Or just good visioning, with the help of Patti Dobrowolski's wonderful template?  Had she really allowed me to tap into my creativity--my creative genius--in some new way, which allowed these miracles to happen?

I'm a great believer in good visioning.  And a firm supporter of Patti's way of doing it.

Her new book is just out, which gives all the details of how to do this visioning for yourself.  It's called Drawing Solutions and it's wonderful.  She's doing a book give-away contest the week of February 12 and click here to enter the contest.

Questions for Patti
I asked Patti to answer some questions about her process and how she discovered it, then wrote her book.  Here's our conversation:

When did you first know you wanted to write a book?

In 1995, I began experimenting with using visuals to goal set and develop the Snapshot of the Big Picture process. I realized how simple it was for me to make change when I had a visual to help inspire me, and be a road map for the success.  It was at this point that I thought, I should really write a book about this.

 

How long did this book take to write, from first written word to publication?

I started writing the book at a workshop lead by a writer's coach, Tom Bird.  I remember sitting next to a woman at a conference and she was the speaker and her book had just come out.  I asked her how long it took and she said, "Five years."  I thought to myself, I just finished my first draft, it will never be five years, maybe 1-1/2 at best.  How long did it take me?  Exactly five years!

Who do you imagine is your ideal reader for this book?

The ideal reader is someone who has a dream but isn't sure quite how to get it started.  It may be as simple as writing your first book, or creating that change that keeps you up at night, that you fantasize about.  That is the perfect reader, because this book helps to motivate you and get you doing by helping you see that by using a visual and lining up your brain to start working for you, you too can make that dream a reality.

What are some of the funny/tragic/inspiring experiences you had during the book-writing journey?

Tragic:  the typos that were found after I had two copy editors review the materials!  Funny:  how easy it was to get derailed in the process.  Anything became an excuse not to edit!  Here's a synchronistic thing:  Early on when I sent out query letters to get an agent, and one of the agencies that approached me gave me some really solid advice:  The agent said, "Look at other people's websites:  you have to have a slick video, a cool platform, a unique differentiator."  He then offered to coach me for about $10,000.  I declined, of course, thinking I could get that stuff together on my own (which I did).  

Recently I got a referral from a friend to do a private coaching session for a woman in transition (this is a two-hour session I do in person or on Skype and I draw a big map for them real time)  That woman was the former business partner of that agent.  She had left the agency and was going out on her own.

What's some advice you might give a new writer who is interested in putting together a book? 

Discipline is critical!  In my case, what I learned from Tom was to get up every day and write for two hours or a certain number of words, without going back and editing.  

Also, I went all the way through just writing the book before I came back and edited it.  I wrote longhand and when I went to transcribe it into the computer, that was my first edit.

What's your experience with publishing these days and why did you decide to publish the way you did?  

While I did land an agent, he couldn't ever figure out how to get a publisher interested in my book. So I decided to do POD (print on demand self-publishing), which Tom Bird outlines in his writing.  

I think, for me, this was absolutely the best choice. I am still learning about it, but all that money that would have gone to a publisher goes directly into my pocket and that is very satisfying.  It does go right back out the door, however, for advertising, etc.  But I think it is worth it.

What would you never do again, in terms of book writing or publishing?  

Probably never work with an editor I didn't know. I spent a huge amount of money getting a "writing coach" and a New York editor who was recommended by a  friend of a friend.  While I was happy to have them, I see now that they took me down a path that diverged from me developing my own voice, and I eventually scrapped what they had me write and went back to my original idea.

Anything else you want to share? 

While writing a book is an enormous amount of work, there is nothing quite as satisfying as finishing it.  It feels like a huge mountain, but once you are on the top, you see the whole range of mountains there are and yet each of those next peaks do not feel quite as daunting as this one.

Your Weekly Writing Exercise
The weekly writing exercise is to check out Patti's book!  You may have some miracles appear in your life because of it, as happened to me.

Imagine your personal three bold steps, and see what it might take to bring your book into manifestation.

Reader Question

Dear Fiona,

There is magic in everything you write. It is more than just sharing how you choose to live your life. I noticed that every time after reading your post I feel emotionally uplifted/lighter, calmer, happier and more optimistic… I would like to learn how to maintain an authentic positive vibration.

There is something that makes me very sad sometimes. It is relationship dynamic with my parents. They were too busy living their own lives when I was growing up with grandparents. Now when I am almost 37 they need more space in my life than I am available to offer. It takes me to very dark place emotionally and has a negative effect on my productivity.

How to start over and be happy regardless of what past was like? How to protect yourself emotionally from relatives that make you sad? How to build healthy boundaries while still remaining polite?

Thank you.

---

Dear Anonymous,

Since you left this comment on the 7th of January, I have been thinking about what kind of answer I could write. I feel reluctant to actually advise someone as it seems such a big responsibility. I will give it a try though.

My main thought is to tell the truth. Tell your parents how you feel, how they make you feel, and that you want to change the way things are in the future.

If you don’t feel brave enough to start this conversation face to face, do it in an email or a letter. That way you can edit what you want to say before you ‘say’ it, and they can get a chance to digest it. Hopefully then it will lead onto a worthwhile conversation.

I sent my Dad an email a few years ago about something that was bothering me. I felt sick when I had sent it, but we had a good conversation afterwards and I felt infinitely better.

Anything big to talk about is always going to be hard, but worth it. It will feel like a weight has been lifted from you.

If you worry about what to say to them, just say the truth. Say you have been feeling sad about them and feel pulled between them and your life. Let them know they weren’t there for you then and that you have made your own life without them because of this.

See where that leads. If they aren’t willing to change, then there’s not much else you can do, but at least you tried to fix the problem. Hopefully they will be willing to meet you half way (or better still, more than half way) and this could be a brilliant new phase of life, for all of you.

Remember, we only have one life as us, why let it tick away with regrets and unhappiness. If there is something bothering us about our life, it is in our best interest to try and fix it.

To address your other question about maintaining an authentically positive disposition. I try to keep my energy level positive by not dwelling on unpleasant or sad things.

Because I am very sensitive, as I can probably imagine you are, these sorts of things really get me down. It could be a tragic newspaper article, a sad situation about someone I know, or good people struggling to make ends meet.

I still live in the real world, but if there is something I have no control over, I try not to think about it.

I read books that make me happy: spiritually uplifting ones, chick lit, my French Chic library and many more.

Our mind is like a garden some say – if we don’t plant flowers (good thoughts), then the weeds will take over (negative thoughts). If a weed pops up, replace it with a flower to crowd out that weed. As time goes on the flowers will regenerate naturally, as positive thinking is just as much a habit as negative thinking.

Make time for things you do that make you happy. A few examples of my own:

Yoga classes
Walking outside
Carrying out my household chores with plenty of time to spare so I am not rushed and can enjoy doing them
Going to see a movie by myself
Reading at any time of the day
A home spa day or evening
Pottering
Quiet time to myself
Sewing, knitting, needlework, patchwork, crochet
Window shopping and seeing what is new out there without spending a cent, except perhaps for a cold drink or a coffee
Early nights
Planning ahead and being organised
A tidy, clean, orderly, peaceful home
Having a pet

Make your own list and do these things more.

If anyone reading this post has any thoughts for Anonymous, please feel free to leave them in the comments section. I would be grateful as I feel a little out of my depth here!

Working with Images to Get More Emotion into Your Chapters

This week, a fellow writer in New York sent me this bit of wisdom from writer Richard Bausch, who is known for his wonderful short stories. Bausch has been published widely, and he currently teaches in the writing program at the University of Memphis.

His thoughtful ideas on image and emotion will be the basis for our writing exercise this week.

"Make your feeling in things, images. There is so much more in an image because that is how we experience the world, and a good story is about experience, not concepts and certainly not abstractions. The abstractions are always finally empty and dull no matter how dear they may be to our hearts and no matter how profound we think they must be. I am perfectly aware that I am presently speaking in abstractions. So here is an example: there has been an auto accident. A head-on collision. We can say it contains all the horror of death and injury, and the terrible shocks to existence that await us all. Or--as my pal Allan Gurganus did once long ago in a workshop we were in, talking about this very matter--we can say a man with blood trickling from his ear and eyes wide and glittering unnaturally, knelt, shaking, at one of the broken headlights, trying, with trembling fingers, to put the pieces of shattered glass back into place. That opens the richest vein of horror, and it is experience, and we witness it, and feel it. So, in revision, get rid of all those places where you are commenting on things, and let the things stand for themselves. Be clear about the details that can be felt on the skin and in the nerves."

This is echoed in one of my favorite writing books, From Where You Dream by Robert Olen Butler.  Butler recommends doing away with any interpretation (thoughts and feelings about things, essentially).  Let the things stand for themselves.

Readers are awfully smart.  They can get the meaning behind the message, if the message is delivered through images. 

In my writing classes, I help writers see how their book's "inner story," or the message of meaning in their writing, is primarily delivered to the reader through these images that reveal emotion, rather than through abstract thoughts and feelings.

This often seems counter-intuitive to the new book writer.  But look at your favorite stories.  Often the emotion is presented at a peak moment through a gesture, an object, the way light glints on a table top that's just been shined.  Images are how readers absorb the emotional impact, or payoff, of such a moment in a book.  I find this true, no matter which genre we're working in.

For this week's writing exercise, I encourage you to test this out. 

Your Weekly Writing Exercise

1.  Choose a passage from your writing that is abstract:  maybe it's internal monologue, or thoughts and feelings from a character or narrator or author.

2.  Locate a tangible "thing," as Bausch says, that could possible convey this emotion or thought.

3.  Play with taking out the abstract and letting the thing speak for itself. 

4.  See if the emotional impact is enhanced.

Chic Habits

One of my favourite treats at the movies is a box of popcorn. I have always loved popcorn and love the thought of being in the dark, watching a movie with a big tub, just for me. I used to order Large and in the last few years in an effort to be more normal, would order Medium size.

Still, I knew a big bucket of snack food wasn’t chic and somehow thought it could be my guilty secret, because it’s dark in there. I don’t think my dream Parisian girl Sabine would do this, snack on a giant size of something that is used to fatten cattle. My latest chic habit therefore is to:

Be chic at the movies.

Before: not being able to go to the movies without purchasing a medium or large tub of popcorn to graze unattractively on. My husband doesn’t eat anything at the movies so I feel really conspicuous next to him with my tub-0-lard.

Even when I went by myself to a movie recently I still felt self-conscious. I saw Audrey Tautou’s movie Beautiful Lies and was aware that the slightly older crowd of couples did not have buckets of grossness.

After: no popcorn. Now when I go along, I take a small bottle of chilled sparkling mineral water and sip this. I can buy it at the supermarket for a small price and slip it in my bag to take along. I feel très French and chic sipping on this periodically throughout the movie.

When I leave, I can throw the empty bottle in the bin and Voila, no ‘popcorn remorse’. I don’t even miss the popcorn! It was just always something I had done and enjoyed the ‘tradition’.

I think the transition was helped somewhat by the last bucket being underflavoured, slightly stale and pretty much tasteless. It tells me yet again that when you don’t prepare the food yourself you have no power to guide the ingredients.

Does anyone else have a popcorn fixation like me?