Rely on your back catalogue #9

(if this doesn’t make sense to you, see the previous post)

Empty Glass

A New Approach to Self-Help

Introduction

Hello. My name is Dr Naïan Fedler. You don’t know me yet, but over the next two hundred and thirty-nine pages, you and I are going to go on a journey together. Along the way, we’ll encounter many obstacles. Together, we’re going to overcome those obstacles and end our journey exactly where we began, but wiser and with cold air in our lungs.

If this sounds familiar, it’s because what I’ve just described isn’t just the way this book works; it’s the way life works for each and every one of us. The story I’ve just outlined is one that you’re bound to recognise because it’s the very story you’re living right now – the story in which you are the main character. Also, I mentioned something similar in the introduction to my last book, Think Yourself Lucky, so you might remember it from there.

When you set out on the journey of life, you don’t know what to expect. Partly this is because you’re very young at the time, but partly it’s because life is unpredictable. In fact, I’d go one step further and say that life isn’t just unpredictable: it’s random. That’s a very hard word to fully understand, but it’s one that we’ll keep coming back to again and again in the course of this book. When you say the word “random”, a lot of people think of something like a game of dice or a lottery, but the truth is that the world we live in is far more complicated than we can possibly understand. Imagine a lottery where, instead of choosing numbers, you have to draw a doodle on a piece of paper and if your doodle matches precisely, millimetre for millimetre, the winning one, you get a prize that could be anything from eternal life to instant death. Except that you never get to see the winning doodle, or find out if you’ve won, until it’s far, far too late. And the rules change with every passing second. And no one’s quite sure if they’re actually playing or not. Or whether the game even exists.

If this sounds daunting, that’s because it is. The universe is infinitely complex and you can never hope to understand any part of it, let alone change any aspect of it in any meaningful way. Understanding this is the key to my approach, and the subject of this book’s first chapter, You Are Nothing.

In order to form a sense of self-worth, you must first recognise that there is not really, in any appreciable sense, such a thing as “self”. Far from being an autonomous and self-aware agent of physical action, you are little more than a ragged bundle of chemicals lost in the infinite chaos of an unintelligible universe. Seen from a perspective of unbiased objectivity, you are no more significant than the chair in which you are sitting, the air you breathe or the rotting orange peel you throw in your compost bin. In fact, one day you will become compost right along with that orange peel – your physical body will decay and become indistinguishable from the mulch under your feet. This is the subject of chapter two, You Are Dying.

In my professional capacity as a counsellor, a lot of people come to me looking for guidance. Often it’s because they feel lost, because they feel scared or because they’re worried that they lack direction in life. Over the years, I’ve thought about these problems and come up with a few answers. In a very simplified form, they go like this:

1. You are lost.
2. You should be scared.
3. There is no “direction” you can have other than the slow, inevitable march towards death and, thereafter, oblivion.

Sometimes, people are resistant to my approach. They say, “Naïan, surely there must be some kind of purpose to life? Or if not a purpose, then at least a way for me to stay afloat in this vast, bewildering sea of meaninglessness? Or, if nothing else, a way for me to get out of paying for this session?” But to them I say, “You, my friend,” (this is merely a turn of phrase – I am fully aware that the people I counsel are clients rather than friends and I would never transgress the boundaries of that professional relationship for both clinical and legal reasons) “are like a clumsy Egyptian boatman.” I then leave a gap of precisely two seconds before revealing the punchline: “You’re in denial!” This little joke helps to relieve the tension, but also serves to illustrate a valid psychological point. To deny the fundamental lack of meaning at the heart of all things is to deny a universal truth, and anyone trying to lead their life with that kind of contradiction in the back of their mind is going to end up, like our maladroit African friend, in some pretty deep water.

Some people try to solve the problem of meaninglessness by relying on the idea of a higher power. For some it’s a god or gods, for some it’s a commitment to furthering human understanding, for some it’s a devotion to altruistic works. Whatever form this delusion takes, my diagnosis is the same. I call these people “head-in-the-sand-birds” (the term “ostriches”, which I used in my previous books, has since been registered as a trademark by Dr Fenton McWheely, the author of How Not To Grieve). By denying the pointlessness of every aspect of existence, these people are setting up a destructive dichotomy, or destrotomy, at the centre of their spiritual lives. If they came to me for advice, I would tell them this: it is only by accepting the fundamental emptiness of all things that you can learn to give your life the value it deserves, which is none. We’ll discuss this in greater depth in chapter seven, Nothing To Live For.

As you read this book, you will come across ideas that challenge you and exercises you may find difficult. My approach to self-help is, I will be the first to admit, radically different from anything that has come before, but this is what makes it so powerful. Whether you’ve picked up this book as a result of bereavement, unemployment, marital breakdown or simply a lingering sense of dissatisfaction with life, I guarantee that by the time you finish reading it, you’ll be seeing things in a whole new way. Next to the dark emptiness of a soulless and chaotic world, your problems will simply fall away into the background. When you and I reach the end of our journey together and turn the last page of chapter thirteen, Nothing Means Anything, So Don’t Worry, I promise you that you’ll be a new person: a clear-sighted, rational and, above all, fundamentally empty person.

Thanks for reading.

The End

I started this blog nearly two years ago as an addition to the blogs I read. Some that I really enjoyed had shut down and others had changed direction, as is natural. I thought to myself ‘what if I wrote a blog I would like to read’. So I did.

As time goes on though, life becomes busier and I now have a wish to spend less time in front of the computer and more time doing what I love.

Believe it or not, what I most enjoy is privacy and anonymity. I like spending time by myself. I am not on Twitter or Facebook or anything else other than this blog. So I think this next step will be good for me.

I really appreciate those of you that have read my blog and also comments you have left. I have learnt lots and made many new friends.

Merci, au revoir and be chic.

Fiona

The Timeline of a Book Project--How Long It Can Take, What to Do at Each Stage

D.W., a reader from the West Coast, emailed me this week with some great questions about the timeline of a book project and how a writer can best assess her needs for feedback at any stage.  D.W. just read my new book, Your Book Starts Here, and is working on her first manuscript.  "Thank you for your wonderful book on getting published," she wrote. "It has been the biggest help.  But I have a couple of questions."  And she listed them:

1.  At what point do I spend the money for a professional editor?
2.  Does one wait until they find an agent and let the agent guide them or should it be done before the agent sees the work?
3.  When does one get their work copyrighted? Is that part of the work an agent helps with also?

D.W. is right to ask these questions.  Books have particular timelines, and they need different things to help them grow at different stages.

For many years--and the last eight books I've published--I've worked with a successful timeline for building a manuscript and moving into the editing, then the submission process.  Of course, it varies with each new book, because books, like babies, have their own plans.  Some take a lot longer than you expect; others are very fast because you've done so much of the "gestating" before you put fingers to keyboard.

Writers know that a lot of book writing happens solo.  You, your words, the dream worlds you're occupying, are not shared with others in the beginning.  No editors are involved because there's not a lot to edit yet.  This is as it should be.  You're gestating something very fragile, easily destroyed by other eyes.  I love the support of other writers and creative artists, including professional editors, during the writing journey, but if I share my work too early, their voices blend too easily with my own and confuse me.

I need time to listen to my own thoughts, let my own ideas emerge.

Unlike other creative artists who give themselves this important time to explore and "birth" their idea before sharing it with the world, lots of book writers have publishing in mind immediately.  I know very few new artists who paint with the goal of a gallery, few beginning musicians who are composing for that recording contract.  But writers tend to be motivated by the starry dream of seeing their name on the cover of a published book.  Or by the hopeful royalties that will let them quit their day job.

Give yourself the dream time, first.  Books aren't that different from paintings or a musical composition or a dance--there needs to be open, goal-less space in your timeline.  Space for just writing, for exploring your book idea, before you imagine an audience.

Truthfully, you must enjoy a dedicated one-to-one conversation with your book, before you are able to produce a publishable manuscript.

The essence of your book, the story only you can tell, comes from the unstructured part of the creative self.  This part loves the dream time of incubation.  Go into it and live in it for a while.  You'll gradually get a sense of what your book is really about.  Its voice is unique to you; you must have time and interior space to find it.

That the first successful step on the timeline:  to have a chance to explore.  A sabbatical from the goal of publishing it.  For this stage, I advocate the "island writing" method promoted by writers like Ken Atchity and Natalie Goldberg, where you allow yourself to scribe a collection of random scenes or ideas, then begin to structure them.  You allow yourself to be in the "process" of writing your story, exploring it and getting deeper into your material.

Moving into Conversation with the Reader
But at some point, you do need to think of the book as a "product" as well as a way for you to personally explore ideas and images.  At this second stage, welcoming the reader into the conversation is essential.

This is where we begin to work with structure.  The book moves out of the dreamy place forever--and we structure the islands so that the reader can actually understand the dream too. 

I find we cycle back and forth between these two stages--dreamtime and structuring--as we create the manuscript.  For instance, we may run into an obstacle or a big question--and we're not sure how to proceed.  So, it often helps to return to the exploration of the material, do some research or create a collage--a wonderful exploration tool used by many professional writers--to see which direction is best.

This two-part experience takes however long it takes.  I always advise getting a lot written before structuring, then pull the bits and pieces (islands) together into a rough draft before editing too much.

When It's Time for Editing Help
With my first books I didn't worry about when to bring in an editor.  I didn't need to hire one, because back then (the 1980s) publishers had in-house editors.  Part of my book contract was assistance from an editor.  They were trained to help me see the forest instead of just the trees, the whole book instead of just my individual words.

This doesn't happen as often anymore, except at some small presses.  Agents can help a writer with editing, but rarely the early stages of editing--only the final polish.  So it's up to writers to decide when their manuscript is holding together well enough to warrant an outside editor.

I encourage writers first to learn some editing skills and try to edit their own material.  How do you do this?  Take writing and editing classes.  Learn the areas you need better skills--characters, for instance, or dialogue or balancing your information with enough illustration (anecdotes) if you're writing nonfiction.  Study good books to see how those writers did it.  Read (a lot!) in your genre.


When I've polished as best I can, I work with my writing partner, my writers' group, to see what else needs attention.  I learn my blind spots as a writer.  Many things I'll be able to fix myself if I can see them. 
Then, when I've done all I can, I find a professional editor for hire, someone who is not familiar with my every word and can give me a clear perspective that peer reviewers can't.  I work with a professional editor for each book I publish.

Again, writers ask:  Don't agents give this kind of help?  Some do.  But only after the manuscript is very clean (well edited) or the subject matter is so compelling or the writer is so famous or well-connected, it's worth the agent's time to dive in.  Most agents I've known will not take on a manuscript that hasn't been through editing.  And usually, you only get one chance with an agent, so it's best to take care of the editing yourself, before you approach an agent.

Before Submitting--Do You Need to Copyright Your Manuscript?
Some writers feel it's important to register their unpublished manuscripts with the U.S. Copyright Office (click here to find out more).  For me, in all my years in publishing, I've found that few people steal other writer's works.  Of course, there are exceptions, but the reality is that publishing is a very small world, especially with the internet.

I've been happy to just add a copyright notice on my works that go out to readers either electronically or in print, just by writing (c) [year] [my name] and All rights reserved on the bottom page of the story, article, essay, column, or manuscript.  This serves as a warning and has protected me well without the hassle of registering the work officially.

Publishers take care of this process, as well as getting the book its ISBN, etc., and if you self-publish, you'll be guided by the online printer as to the steps to register yourself.

These are the different stages in my book writing timeline.  Be comfortable at the stage you're in now, give it the time it deserves before moving too fast to the next.  Your book will benefit.  

Your Weekly Writing Exercise
1.  Brainstorm on paper a possible timeline for your book project.  Ask questions like:
*  Where am I now in the process, based on what I just read?
*  With my work, family, and other obligations, how much time can I devote to my book each week?
*  Where would I like to be with my book in a year?
*  What editing skills can I learn in the meantime?  What is missing in my editing toolbox?

Having Beautiful Skin - part 2

Following on from my last post about what I put on my skin on a daily basis to make it the happiest it can be, here are some of the things I do to pamper my skin from the inside. It's not an exhaustive list but just what seems to work for me.

- Drinking water all day long, and hot tea. I go between English breakfast with trim milk, green tea and relaxing herbal teas.

- Eating fresh fruits daily and a handful of raw mixed nuts. Also a couple of prunes and some dried apricots are consumed most days at breakfast.

- I eat good fats. Don’t be afraid of eggs, avocado, olive oil and I even think butter is good for you in appropriate amounts. I drink soy milk because cow milk seems to cause sinus problems with me but I think a mix of plant fats and limited amounts of animal fats are great for the skin.

- I try to eat something raw or at least fruits and vegetables with every meal – a piece of fruit or two with breakfast, salad vegetables with lunch and steamed vegetables or a salad with dinner. Lots of different brightly coloured fruits and vegetables are so good for our health and therefore good for our skin.

- I’m not macrobiotic, organic, vegetarian or vegan. What I do try to do is eat as much as possible, food that doesn’t come from a packet. Sometimes I’ll remember back through the day’s offerings and see what percentage was good, real food. My goal for my daily diet is to be ‘normal’.

- Think happy thoughts. What thoughts we have on the inside shows on the outside. Worry shows up on our faces, as does bitterness and fear. Learn to live lightly and let things go. I try not to hold onto things. I have a hard time not feeling guilty (for real and imagined past events, big or tiny) and am working on that. What I tell myself is it is the best I could have done at the time and I can’t go back and change it now by worrying.

- Sit up straight. Our circulation is better when we aren’t slouching and that carries nutrients to our skin.

- By the same circulation token – do some gentle exercise. A walk around the block each day is better than nothing. Take deep breaths whilst walking, and notice the beautiful trees, flowers, grass and sky around you. Even a grey thundery sky is beautiful in my eyes and you can take an umbrella with you. Walking is good for your body and the meditation which comes with stepping is great for your wellbeing and calmness.

- Having a simple routine of stretches each day is good for you too. Most days I lie on the floor and stretch my fingers and toes in opposite directions. The days I attend a yoga class I feel the best of all. I think yoga might just be the fountain of youth and wellbeing. A goal I have for myself is to work out my own little yoga routine (maybe half an hour?) and do it each day at home.

- Having down time and doing what you love. Having time to be ‘be’ and potter is so beneficial to my happiness and therefore my health and therefore my skin.

- Having lots of lovely quality sleep. When I go to bed at a reasonable hour and have a good night’s sleep I can see on my face in the morning that my skin looks rested and plumped up from a night of good moisturiser and calmness. When I’ve been out late, like on Friday night to a family 21st which saw me climbing into bed near midnight after four glasses of Chardonnay... well my skin took on a wax dummy tone on Saturday morning. Now I am in my forties I know which one I prefer!

I would love to hear your favourite ways to be good to yourself and good to your skin.

We've Moved Starting a Law Firm!!!

We've moved this blog over to our own site - you can find it by clicking the link - How to Start a Law Firm.

Join us over there for new posts, new info, and new great discussions.

Also, if you've subscribed to this feed, I think you'll have to start subscribing to the new one - this one won't work any more.

Thanks!

How a Writing Partner--or a Writers' Group--Can Help You Finish Your Book

Finding a writing partner is like finding gold.  A solo journey to writing a book--or just making time for regular writing practice--can be hard.  I've worked with a writing partner for many years, and we meet monthly by phone to report on our writing progress and set goals for the month.  My writing partner holds me accountable and gives me encouragement when I feel blue about my creativity.  I found my writing partner via a writers' group that disbanded; she and I stayed in contact and decided to start our partnership.  It's morphed over the years as our writing needs have changed.  We're both working on books, and we both believe our partnership has helped us keep going.

Lynn and Carole are two blog readers who live in the Midwest.  They are writing partners.  After my book, Your Book Starts Here, was published, Lynn asked if it could be used as a weekly study guide for writing partners or book study groups. Of course! I said.  

Over the year since my book was released, Lynn has updated me on their progress.  They have been steady about using the book to help their writing partnership (and their writing!) grow.  

Such a support team is inspiring--and I thought you might like knowing how to put one together for yourself.  I asked them a few questions about their writing partnership.

How long have you been writing? Are either of you working on a book--and what kind?
Lynn:  I have been writing (letters) since grade school and dabbled around with stories in my early thirties.  In 1993 I attended a seminar/writing conference in Minnesota where I started taking writing more seriously.

Coincidentally I met Carole at this seminar and we realized we both lived in St. Louis. Carole’s been dreaming up stories for years. She started writing in junior high school when a teacher inspired her with creative writing assignments. When Carole recently moved out of state, we wanted to keep checking in with one another. So when Your Book Starts Here came out, we both knew we’d want to use it for the stories we were working on--and for future stories.

How long have you been writing partners, and how often do you meet?

We started helping each other with writing a long time ago, but we began working together with your book in July 2011. We check in with one another on a weekly basis. We decided to work together on a chapter each month in Your Book Starts Here. 

We stay flexible; sometimes we need to spend more time on a chapter, so we will. Or if we get through a chapter sooner, that’s fine too. Of if something comes up on either of our ends and we can’t finish, we don’t punish ourselves!

How has your writing changed from using a writing book as a study guide?

Having a book on writing to follow is a great tool.

I’m not structured at all when it comes to writing a story. I can’t do outlines, etc., but Your Book Starts Here helped me see that it’s not as scary as I thought. Carole is all about structure and outlining, so freewriting and "island" writing in Your Book Starts Here was a new approach for her. We have different writing styles and have been able to help each other in that way.

When you try the writing exercises, do you have favorites--ones that have helped your writing the most?

A hard question!  We are only on Chapter 10, so we haven’t gotten through them all yet.

Lynn liked Chapter 4, p. 53,  "Letter to Inner Critic" – since she struggles with the Inner Critic and since she love to write letters.  She says she needs to do it more often! Carole liked this exercise too, not realizing how powerful the Inner Critic was and how inhibiting.

Lynn also liked p. 25 "Following the Unexpected" and p. 78 "My Life and My Writing," which asks you to list the minimum requirements to keep a writing practice going in your life.

Lynn:  I started using this book with a completed rough-draft manuscript in hand. I thought I could skip ahead and figure out what I needed to do to make it better. When I read a chapter where I thought I could start at, I realized I needed to go back to the chapter before. Once I got to that chapter, I again had to go back to the previous chapter.

It finally became evident that I needed to start right from the beginning. This has been a bit of a challenge—applying things to an already written story… like Chapter 10 which focuses on working with Acts 1, 2 and 3.

I had a hard time figuring out where those were in my story. But with Carole’s help and talking through it, I started to understand and then could see more clearly where the different acts were in the story.  Having a writing partner to work with has made all the difference!


Anything you'd recommend to other writers who want to get support for their writing, or use Your Book Starts Here as a study guide?

Lynn:  I’d imagine you could use this book on your own if you wanted, but I think it’s really helpful to have at least one other person you can work with because you can bounce things off one another—especially if you’re styles of writing are different like Carole and mine.

What works for me sometimes doesn’t work for Carole, but when we talk through the process she can see how it could work for her, and vice versa.

Also by going through the book with someone, it holds you accountable.

As a writer—especially a new one—you can easily get discouraged or distracted and put it away if you don’t get it. By working with someone, there’s less chance of giving up—it’s like you’re encouragement and inspiration for one another—just like the book.

It may take us a while to get through Your Book Starts Here, but I think having it as a guide will help it along faster than trying to write the book alone, and will ensure that it will get finished. When I’m finished with all my “in progress” manuscripts, I’ll be excited to use this book for a fresh idea.

Your Weekly Writing Exercise

1.  Consider the benefits of a writing partnership.  Is there someone who might support you in your writing journey?  A fellow book writer, especially?  Take one step toward exploring this idea this week.

2.  Visit Carole and Lynn's blogs--they are wonderful.  

Lynn: Present Letters
http://lynnobermoeller.blogspot.com/

Carole: Lasting Impressions
http://letterpressdaughter.blogspot.com/

Rely on your back catalogue #8

(if this doesn’t make sense to you, see the previous post)

- Lunch Menu -

Hellenic Mussels Braised in Vintage Burgundy

A delicate, piquant, confusing dish, evocative in equal parts of Mediterranean hubris and earthy, unfulfilling intercourse. Not suitable for vegans or recovering alcoholics.

Symmetrical Loins of Highland Quail Served on a Bed of Virgin Spinach and Celeriac Hearts

Our chef’s exacting standards for this dish demand that we source only the finest cuts of quail from a small farm high in the Hebridean hills, where the verdant fields of swaying heather lend a unique fragrance to the proprietor’s firm and matronly breasts.

Non-Sequential Unmarked Fillets of Manatee Presented Somewhat Obsequiously, as if to Atone for Some Previous Unspecified Misdeed

The subtle flavour of manatee is perfectly complemented by the unmistakable zesty overtones of human faeces in this remarkable and altogether unnecessary dish. The characteristic avuncular aroma is due to the inclusion of nine varieties of unidentifiable cheese at the basting stage. This dish has been variously described as “holothurian”, “pancreatic” and “fish”.

Your Pride

In this unique and challenging dish, our Michelin listed chef will come to your table and present you with a mobile telephone, whereupon you will be expected to contact, in chronological order, every single person you have ever met and apologise to each of them in turn for your many failings as a human being. This will include, but will not be limited to: your arrogance, your selfishness, your pretension, your tendency to be an inconsiderate lover, your poor personal hygiene and your staggering, chronic insincerity. This will be followed by coffee and a selection of Baltic cheeses.