A Way to Study Outer and Inner Story in Your Favorite Books

Weaving the pathway of outer and inner story (what happens and what's the meaning of it) through a book requires knowing the different effect of each on the reader.  The best way to train yourself is to study outer and inner story in published books.

If you study books in different genres, you discover that each kind of book leans toward a different ratio of outer to inner story.  You can learn a lot about how to balance the two in your particular book.


For instance, nonfiction writers use a lot of outer story; but their anecdotes (inner story for nonfiction is usually illustrative anecdotes) bring the potentially dry material alive. Anecdotes humanize information.  They show how a theory or a method can be applied in real life, which brings interest to the facts. Nonfiction writing grabs a reader via these inner story anecdotes.

Two excellent writers of nonfiction who use inner story this way are Atul Gawande and Malcolm Gladwell.
They work with about a 70/30 ratio; maybe 70 percent of their manuscripts delivers facts, information, theory, or method (outer story), and 30 percent is illustrative anecdotes (inner story).  But that inner story is what makes the information engaging.

Another ratio is found in the genre called "creative nonfiction."  Creative nonfiction, such as essay collections or memoir, needs more illustrative material (inner story), about 40 percent. That makes sense—creative nonfiction includes slightly more human stories. Essayists use anecdote and personal reflection on a topic to bring in the inner story and balance the facts with emotional truth.  

What about entertainment fiction, those wonderful plot-driven novels, such as mysteries or romance?  These have a slightly different ratio, about a 50/50 balance of outer story and inner story.  Plot is the outer story in fiction, which inner story is the meaning, conveyed via setting, shown emotions, and some internal thoughts or feelings.

In some literary fiction, such inner story comprises much of the book--think of those novels that have a lot of lyrical details of setting, sensory images, inner landscape of characters. This level of meaning is hard to manage but it when done well it creates characters we think about for weeks. It’s only effective if it’s woven seamlessly into every outer action, or if events happen naturally and we naturally derive meaning from them.

How do you find these balances and translate them into your own work?  It's hard to count the pages or words and determine an average.  The best way I've found is by studying a published book in your genre, highlighting what is external and internal, or onstage and invisible to us, and comparing what you get with what you are writing.  This teaches the general rules of outer and inner story balance.

As you begin to recognize the ratios in other writers’ work, you’ll see them more clearly in your own.

This Week's Writing Exercise
1. Get two highlighting markers, one yellow, one blue.
2. Choose a chapter of a published book you’ve read in your genre. Photocopy two pages.
3. Highlight any outer story on these pages in yellow.  This would be anything that could be seen, heard, or witnessed if the pages were being acted in front of you onstage. 
4. Highlight any inner story in blue.  This would be anything that would be invisible to you if acted onstage, such as thoughts or feelings that are not based in images, sounds, or other external senses.
5. See what you get. What's the ratio this writer is working with?
6. Now do the same with two pages of your own writing.  How close are you to the ratio in published work in your genre?

Marketing a Law Firm | Video for Your Website?

I want to apologize for not posting on here the last couple of weeks, to myself, if nothing else. This is a complete excuse, but we recently moved into ahttp://www.blogger.com/img/blank.gif new office, and the move and design of it has sidetracked me big time. Here's a post I've had in the hopper for a couple of weeks, and I plan on posting regularly going forward.

If you know me, then you know I am constantly looking for new ways to market my law firm. Some of them are out of the box, some of them are more traditional, and some them are simply variations on a theme. Today I want to talk about something that is a variation on a theme - video for your website.

If you check out my website, you'll see that I don't have any video on there, yet. But I think that will be changing very shortly. And the reason is simple, video allows you to make a connection with someone that text and pictures simply can't. I can talk directly to potential clients with video, I can answer their questions, and I can show them I am good at what I do (and include some marketing fundamentals that help make the whole thing pop).

What you get from most law firm videos is what you would expect a law firm to make - boring, predictable, almost like they were reading from the text of their website. Does that do any good? It can't hurt. But your law firm website video can be so much more than that (and I'm trying to make mine just that).

I'm no law firm marketing genius - I'm just a lawyer who opened his own firm and wants it to be successful, but I've tried to learn from people who are, and this is what I've come up with for a recipe for success:

1. Don't be afraid to tell people what to do - when my video is put on the blog it's going to have with it a big sign that says "Click to Watch." Leave out the sign, you'll leave out viewers.

2. Include some production value. RJon, as a big proponent of videos, probably won't really agree with me on this one, but I think the video that's going to be on the front of your website and is meant to get people to call should have some production value. By that I mean it shouldn't look like you made it in your basement or probably even in your office.

3. Include as much proof as you can. There are two types of proof here you want to include - real and social. The real proof includes your training and experience. Member of a special group? Let em know. Publish an article somewhere? Let em know. Social proof is how you've helped others. Tell one of your more compelling client related stories.

4. Tell your prospective client what you can do for them. This is where you hit them with the time, reputation, money benefits. Let them know you can help. Tell them about your process and why you are different from everyone else.

5. End with a bang. Let them know what they should do next. "Call us" is a good start. And, it might be creative to let them know who shouldn't call. "If you are just looking for x, then we might not be right for you." The thing is, though, if you are going to use this qualifier, it should be something that will actually exclude people, not one of those "what's your greatest weaknesses turned into a positive" things.

I'm putting together my script right now. Once it's all put together I'll post it up here and let you take a look.

Hope all is well and you are on your way to starting a successful law firm!

Oh, and one last thing. June 1 was the two year anniversary of my firm. The people at the bank that are now trying to get me to take out a loan with them tell me the first two years are the toughest. I'm looking forward to moving out of survival mode and into growth mode in the coming years. You should join me!

How others see us

Serving people over a glass counter as I do most days of the week, I notice small details. Not in a fact-finding way, just in passing, it seeps into my consciousness. It verifies someone’s image to me in an unthinking way.

There seem to be two types of women as far as I can see.

Picture if you will, a harassed and unkempt woman. She opens her handbag and searches for her wallet through the used tissues and receipts. Her hands are dry and nails perfunctory. She might be wearing wedding and engagement rings but they barely manage to bring beauty to her hands.

She curses as she opens her wallet and discovers her cash-card is missing. Panicking to herself what pocket she might have tucked it into she discovers it floating around in the bottom of her bag. I see this more often than you’d think. This type keeps every receipt from the past six months in her wallet. Some bags and wallets literally bulge with paper and coffee cards. And the offenders don’t necessarily have young children either (when I know you have to carry around everything under the sun).

Here is our other type of lady (the one I try to aspire to). I have served a couple of these in the last few days and their image stays with me in an altogether more pleasant and serene way.

A handbag that looks either new-ish or well looked after is placed on the counter. A pair of moisturised hands with manicured (polished or bare) nails reaches in and pulls out a tidy wallet. These women never seem harassed or rushed, even if they might be. The wallet is not cracked and it is not dirty. She opens it up and chooses her card.

While she is paying, I have time to notice that she has a lovely soft fragrance on, light makeup, hair styled. She is wearing becoming jewellery and colours that light up her face, often with a soft scarf draped around her neck. A couple of our customers that come to mind have lovely gentle speaking voices and smile often.

Have you ever noticed that some people seem to have a permanently annoyed look on their face, even when the situation is neutral or good? Not these lovely creatures. Their faces are soft and pleasant.

Think about how you give yourself away when next out shopping. As for me, I plan to clean out my bag and wallet. I do it on a semi-regular basis but it’s due for another. It is probably these feminine ladies at the counter who are the catalyst for a bag-clean at my place.

My favourite way to bag-clean is find a nice big space of carpet at home and tip everything out. Hold the bag upside down and shake it. It’s best done when you are due to vacuum, not after. Consider everything that goes back into the bag. Some things that I carry around ‘just in case’ only come out when I do this. Perhaps I will have to be more ruthless next time.

Amended to add: Please do not think I am being judgemental. Reading back through this post perhaps I come across that way. At times I have portrayed the first woman, and, to add insult to injury, I am rude to the person serving me because I am in a grump or have been charged the wrong price (again) at the supermarket.

When I post these observations it is not to make others feel bad (I really hope you don't take it that way), but to show how others inspire me to be a better version of myself.

As my sister wisely pointed out, most of us are a mix of these two women and usually would sit somewhere in the middle. We all have off days, and we also have things in our life that others do not know of, sometimes they can be major in the case of illness or unhappy life changes. And then picking someone to bits because their bag is messy seems rather pathetic.

And of course if you have a child or three in tow, my hat goes off to you just keeping it together. Not having children I don't know how difficult it is to get everything done in a day (and have time for hand-cream).

My blog is a place to be light-hearted and pretty and I hope you take my posts that way.

Image of Ines, who would surely have a very neat bag, from keepitchic.com

Having discipline

The French woman famously has ‘steely discipline’ when it comes to matters pertaining to everything. In her grooming, how she dresses, the way she carries herself in public, in not drinking too much, what she spends her money on and the amount of outside events she allows into her life.

I don’t know about steely discipline, but some discipline would be helpful. I may rebel against myself at first, but I am slowly coming to understand that when we limit ourselves, it’s a better thing overall. And the more you use it, the easier it seems to become.

Think about how you might be with none. Possibly this was you as a teenager or in your twenties. The thing is, you can get away with it then. You can stay out late and still look good the next day. If it’s done too often though, time catches up and you can see it on the faces of those who don’t take the time to look after themselves.

Imagine again the disciplined you. You wake at the same (early-ish) time each day. You go to bed (mostly) at roughly the same time. You have one or two glasses of wine only a few days per week and enjoy nutritious and delicious food in small amounts. You allow yourself plenty of time to get ready in the morning and attend to your wardrobe and home regularly, thus preventing meltdowns when something that is needed is in the wash, or people are coming over and the house is a tip.

Getting ahead of myself is the best way I find to keep on top of things and feel happy and contented. I plan ahead at least a few days at a time and make notes in my diary of things I want to do. I know that I am a lot nicer to be around on the days when I have put things away as I’ve used them, planned what I’m making for dinner, and have clothes that are clean for yoga.

Last week on my day at home I did a big pile of mending which I had been putting off. Sewing buttons on, mending thin patches in jeans, hemming pants that were slightly too long. The next day was such a thrill to get dressed for work as I had all these lovely, tailored-for-me clothes hanging up. Things like this take discipline but instead of seeing it as a bind, I can choose to see it as helping me be free.

Image of Audrey Tautou from sofeminine.co.uk. Do you you think she looks like this by eating chips lying on the sofa?

Balancing Outer and Inner Story in Your Book

Outer story is the foundation for all good books. Outer story grounds the reader in your material, whether you are writing about people, politics, or potatoes. It creates structure, a logical sequence of information or events, a believable time and place. It lets the story track for a reader like a
train smoothly traveling from one city to another.

How does a writer find the outer story? With outer specifics: where the story is happening, what is occurring, who is doing what, what theories and techniques are most important, what obstacles or conflicts are encountered, how an idea is tested or used.

Outer story explores the questions: Who? What? When? Where? How?

Outer Story in the Different Genres
In nonfiction, outer story is information, facts, opinions, and ideas. What your book is about, what information it will pass along to the reader, what method you are teaching.

In memoir and fiction, outer story is presented via plot: the outer events or action. These events must always be externally realized. It doesn’t count as outer story when a person thinks or dreams or writes or emails about an event, since these actions are internally based. Outer story is always external, outside of a narrator’s head or emotions.

Why? Because we believe first what’s shown, or demonstrated, before we believe what a narrator is trying to tell us. Compare “My brother was a loser” to “My brother came home with a ripped shirt, muddy sneakers, and a black eye.” Which version lets you into the story faster?

Externally realized, dramatic events speak louder than words. Outer story is truth revealed in action.

Learning to Write Inner Story
The inner story answers the question Why? Inner story contributes discovery to your book. You’re taking the reader along on your journey. Good inner story surprises the writer as well as the reader when it emerges on the page. Telling too much defeats the delicate nature of inner story because writing effective inner story means not knowing everything. So how do you write the meaning of your book in a natural way?

By discovering as you go.

When I began learning to write inner story, it was a huge mystery. Then I read Vivian Gornick’s The Situation and the Story, which details how nonfiction writers build meaning seamlessly into outer events. More than just pairing anecdotes with information, Gornick showed how skilled writers used theme, repetition, pacing, and setting to provide inner meaning to external event. It required craft and risk, vulnerability and awareness.

No longer just reporting facts or opinions, such writing was truly creative.
Reading Gornick, I began asking deeper questions of myself and my material. I began writing not just the situation but also the story behind it.

I really learned to tackle inner story in my book How to Master Change in Your Life. This was my first non-cookbook. In it I wanted to explore why change, for some, is an impossible feat. Why do some people bloom from life’s upsets, happier and healthier than before, and others lose their way?

Answering these questions taught me a lot about the balance of outer and inner story because I realized I needed to explore how I handled change. And I had endured a lot of external changes: divorce, business failure, cancer diagnosis. As dramatic as these changes were, I needed to reveal the inner impact of each.

Your Weekly Writing Exercise
1. Make a list of ten words that interest you. They can be favorite foods, colors, a city with a strange name that intrigues you.

2. Spend a few minutes quickly jotting down what comes to mind for each word.

3. Do any connect with your book in some unexpected way? Choose one and follow it in a twenty-minute freewriting (no editing) session.

Look for sidetracks that surprise you. This may reveal inner story.

Excerpted from Your Book Starts Here: Create, Craft, and Sell Your First Novel, Memoir, or Nonfiction Book, Copyright 2011 by Mary Carroll Moore.

Taking good care of your skin

Originally posted on La Vie En Fifi, 29 November 2009

I have my Mother to thank for having a smooth complexion at 40. From about the age of 12 or 13, Mum bought me good, basic skincare to use twice a day. I think first it was Simple soap and Simple moisturiser, trying different brands along the way. I remember a Revlon foaming cleanser and moisturiser and after that the famous three step Clinique soap, toner and yellow moisturiser.

I progressed to Estee Lauder in my 20s and loved that. It kept me broke but I didn’t care. Then, I put expensive skincare as a priority above hair products and even clothing. After working for Parfums Christian Dior (skincare, makeup, fragrance) I got to try their wonderful and pricey products and for the first time used serums under my moisturiser, day and night.

Even though I spent a lot on skincare I always secretly wondered if serums were a have. I don’t have an answer for you even now sorry. I think if you can afford them they are lovely to use and do seem to sink in straight away, and your skin feels extra lovely after you put the night cream or daytime moisturiser over top.

The funny thing is, I always had problems with oiliness and also acne for a while when in my late teens and early 20s, so it’s quite novel for someone to come up to me and say ‘You have beautiful skin’ or my husband to remark on it looking nice. I heard a long time ago that if you have oily skin when younger it will age well, as opposed to people who have less oily, less troublesome skin as a teenager (are they drying out like an Autumn leaf as they get older?).

I realise now you don’t need to spend a fortune on skincare. Or perhaps there are just more and better budget options these days. I have heard that because L’oreal is owned by Lancome, the L’oreal products are much the same as Lancome products without a few of the more expensive ingredients.

I prefer to go down the more local route. There are wonderful New Zealand and Australian made skincare lines which just offer good, basic products without the many chemicals that big brands seem to list on their packaging.

No matter the brand, the main ingredients you want to avoid are petro-chemicals. Petrolatum and mineral oil (or ‘huile minerale’) are dreadful for your skin. I found that I had tiny bumps all over my skin which disappeared when I read labels and avoided anything with these ingredients.

I am currently enjoying Australian brand Natio products. The packaging is all white, with simple containers and tubes and plain yet chic labeling. The products are scented with essential oils so they smell pretty yet fresh. I love a nice light fragrance in my beauty products. 'Fragrance free' is not a selling point to me! Prices range from around $14-$30. Quite different to brands I have used in the past.

Another favourite is New Zealand brand Skinfood. I buy their cleanser and facial/body moisturisers from the supermarket and they are around $13. They do not have parabens or horrid ingredients and I love the refreshing scent from orange and lavender oils.

Here is my regime.

In the morning I wash my face in the shower. I use a tiny amount of foaming cleanser as my face can be quite shiny when I wake up. Then I mist or pat an alcohol-free toner over my face to moisten and apply my serum and SPF moisturizer. A light eye cream patted underneath my eyes rounds off my skincare routine for the morning.

I let this all soak in while I have my breakfast (a poached egg on Vogels original wholegrain toast, no butter – an egg a day must be making my skin happy too).
In the evening I put a white towelling headband on to hold my hair out of my eyes and apply a thick, creamy cleansing cream massaging it into my skin and removing with a large size facial tissue. Rubbing the cream gently around my eyes removes all mascara and eye makeup too (I don’t wear waterproof mascara though).

Then I apply my alcohol free toner to a flat cotton pad and refresh my face, making sure all makeup is gone from around my eyes. When my toner runs out I plan to try making my own toner. One simple recipe I read is to make a strong green tea brew and when cool decant into your toner bottle. I have purchased rose water and glycerin, and witch hazel from chemist shops before, but they seem to have not good ingredients listed on the label as well so haven’t used those again.

After toning I apply my serum, a rich and creamy night cream and richer eye cream than the morning.

Doing your cleanse, tone, moisturise, two times a day, every day for more than 25 years, that is how you keep your skin looking as nice as it can, for as long as you can. Genes play a part but environment is so important.

I read a terrible statistic about how aging going to bed with your makeup on is. I can’t remember the numbers but it made me vow never to do it. I can remember a handful of times in the past 10 years I have done this. It’s not good the next day. My poor skin felt like sandpaper crossed with a dried out piece of driftwood crossed with gravel.

That combined with a hangover, which, lets face it is the reason why we fall asleep with our makeup on, do not for a fresh complexion make. I don’t have any at the moment, but have found a pack of moist facial wipes and a thick night cream in my bedside drawer to be very useful for late nights. Definitely better than nothing.

And while I’m on skincare, remember your neck and décolletage. In the morning I apply an SPF30 sunblock to neck and chest, and in the evening before retiring (this is also in my bedside drawer) I apply a body butter or body cream to the same area. I live in fear of finding myself with a crepey and lined decolletage one day. My morning and night routine allays these fears somewhat.

Basically the top drawer in my bedside table is full of skincare for hands, elbows, décolletage, face and lips. And a notepad and pen to empty my head.

I can’t believe I almost forgot my favourite part of le regime. Twice a week when I’m in the groove, or twice a month when I’m not, a gentle exfoliation and then facial mask, both washed off with a face cloth and warm water. Lovely.

And to finish: my favourite skincare quotes:

‘Nature gives you the face you have at 20, it is up to you to merit the face you have at 50.’ – Coco Chanel

‘There are no ugly women, only lazy ones.’ – Helena Rubenstein

‘Beauty is an attitude. There's no secret. Why are all brides beautiful? Because on their wedding day they care about how they look. There are no ugly women – only women who don't care or who don't believe they're attractive.’ – Estee Lauder

Image of the fabulous spa at George V Four Seasons Hotel in Paris

The Gospel According To Coco Chanel

Originally posted on La Vie En Fifi, 22 December 2009

I just received this book from the library and am so excited to have it to read when on holiday over Christmas. It looks like a good contender for my own personal library wish list. I was even more excited to discover a website of the book which has a great excerpt from the 'On Style' chapter (a small part of it below).

And if you haven't already found it, read about my Great Aunt who nursed Coco Chanel in the late 1960s whilst working at the American Hospital in Paris.

For nearly a hundred years, Coco Chanel has been synonymous with every piece of clothing we consider stylish — and with lots of stuff to which we never give a thought. Throw open your closet door and you will find the spirit of Chanel. If you have a collection of jackets for tossing on over a pair of jeans, the better to look as if you’ve actually dressed for the occasion — as opposed to simply parked the lawn mower, given your nails a once over with the nail brush, and walked out the door — that’s Chanel.

Any black dress is a direct descendent of Chanel’s 1926 short silk model. A knee-grazing pencil or A-line skirt? Chanel. Jersey anything? Chanel again. She gave us real pockets, bell-bottoms, twin sets, drop waists, belted cardigans, short dresses for evening, sportswear including riding breeches, and the need to accessorize madly at all times. Anything that’s got simple lines, skims the body, is easy to move in, and affords the loading on of a lot of jewelry is Chanel.

So too is anything in which prettiness trumps quirkiness. Chanel ran screaming from the latest fads. She considered them to be expressions of cheesy grandstanding, and, anyway, they rarely held to her standards of simple elegance. Thus ponchos, stirrup pants, or backless dresses cut in a manner that reveals your thong are definitely not Chanel.

If you own anything that has emy husbandets (and you are not in the armed forces), an unnecessary amount of fabric, ill-fitting arms, or Hulk-size shoulder pads, it is not Chanel. Anything related to the grunge revival, featuring ripped tights that look as if you’ve barely survived a mugging? Uh, no. Anything in which you cannot breathe, sit down, or get into a car without flashing your lady bits—well, I don’t even need to say it.

When Chanel observed that “not all women have the figure of Venus* yet nothing should be hidden,” this is not what she was talking about. (To clarify, she meant that the loose, long T-shirts we reserve for fat days do nothing but make us look fatter.) * Actually, a lot of us do; what we don’t have is the flat-chested, slim-hipped figure of Chanel.

The Chanel aesthetic is like the force in Star Wars, surrounding, penetrating, and binding together the universe of fashion, now and forever.

As I write this I’m wearing a pair of J. Crew boy jeans—even though they’re square through the hip with straight legs and a button fly, they are cunningly cut to prevent your looking like an appliance box—and a chocolate brown, long-sleeve cashmere T-shirt. Both pieces descend straight from Chanel’s once-shocking ideas that with a smidge of fancying up, menswear could be easily retooled for the ladies and soft, body-defining fabrics (some of which was normally used for underwear) could make the simplest garment seem luxe.

Excerpt from The Gospel According to Coco Chanel - Life Lessons From the World's Most Elegant Woman by Karen Karbo

One-of-a-kind

My friend Mary creates the most exquisite jewellery. It is often made from salvaged/reclaimed items, as with this necklace above. In a previous life, the main component was a silver-plated teaspoon. I love the way the bijoux charms nestle into the spoon bowl.

She has recently opened an Etsy store, and I thought you might like to know about her beautiful and sometimes unusual one-of-a-kind creations.

Mary is one of my chic mentors (she is very talented and has great taste), and also my aromatherapy masseuse. She lives in a tiny and gorgeously decorated inner-city cottage with her husband, and is European in so many ways. Mary walks most places, wears accessories with style and panache and puts together charity shop finds in her own chic way.

Click on the link below to see the rest of her current range at her Etsy store:

Mary Crosby Design

True Pleasures

Originally posted on La Vie En Fifi, 25 November 2009

Below are two of my favourite quotes from True Pleasures: A Memoir of Women in Paris by Lucinda Holdforth. I read this book last year.

'The Paris of my imagination is a site of pleasure and history and beauty. It's a place to recharge myself as a woman. Each time I come back here it's like greeting an older woman friend, one who is rather grand and imperious - a great dame, in fact - who likes me to look my best, to have my wittiest conversation to hand and to be on my toes all the time.'

And another,

'The house is small and modest, a sign of her commitment to financial freedom and independence.'

The house we currently live in is rather small and modest, but rather than just exist in it and wait and wish for a bigger place, I am now embracing its size, decluttering and making the most of things (it's not that we need a bigger house, we just need less stuff).

We were very lucky in that it was thoroughly renovated immediately before we moved in, with everything whitewashed, brand new kitchen and brand new dark donkey-brown carpet. Every single light switch and light fitting was new, even hinges and handles on the doors (brushed silver). If we had to choose the decor, we would probably choose the one we ended up with.

I love the second quote as it reminds me we are being good stewards of our money by not wasting (whether rent or mortgage) our funds on a large abode. And if I find myself wishing for a bigger home, I remember the chic Parisiennes living stylish lives in their tiny apartments and all is well again.

Image from randomhouse.com.au

Laws of (French Chic) Success

Originally posted on La Vie En Fifi, 17 November 2009

I used to listen a lot to tapes of business dynamos like Tony Robbins and Brian Tracy hoping they would turn me into a corporate go-getter. Well that didn’t happen, but I did learn a lot of interesting and useful information.

One of the best was a Brian Tracy series: The Universal Laws of Success and Achievement. Here are some of my favourite ‘laws’ from the first session: The Laws of Success. I already know they apply to everything in life, but coming back to them after reading all the French Chic books I have, was surprised how much they apply to creating a more European lifestyle too.

Thoughts objectify themselves. You become what you think about.

To achieve success in any area, you must have a clear image of that success in your mind – a mental picture of your idea of success.

Your outer life will mirror your inner life. There is a direct correspondence between your experiences and your thoughts and attitudes.

Whatever you believe… deeply… becomes your reality.

What you truly value and believe in is reflected in your actions, even though your words may say otherwise.

Whatever you concentrate on and think about repeatedly, becomes more a part of your inner life, and consequently your outer life.

Virtually all we do is automatic, the result of habit. Habits that move us away from our goals must be changed.

You are a living magnet. You attract people, events and circumstances that harmonise with your dominant thoughts.

You are free to choose what you think about, and therefore free to choose all other parts of your life.

A positive mental attitude goes with success and happiness. Optimism makes you cheerful and pleasant, and more likely to succeed.

--

I especially like the last two. I think things do seem to go your way more when you are happy and I'm sure people definitely respond to the positivity of others. The 'living magnet' one too made me think of all the lovely bloggers I've 'met' and blogs I have read on the subjects of French chic, simple living, living well with less, downsizing and frugality.

Image from Hip Paris blog, with accompanying cool checklist on How to be a Parisienne

Gardening and Writing--Filling the Well by Following the Love

Last night, just as the moon was coming up (almost full!), I was out in the garden planting lettuce seedlings.

I started them from seed indoors in February:  three kinds of leaf lettuce--romaine, Tango, a French summer crisp.  I also started raddiccio seedlings, arugula, and spinach.  Today I will add
more seedlings to the waiting garden beds:  leeks, onions, Brussel sprouts, cabbage, celery.

This week, the garden is calling me very loudly.  So what's a committed writer to do?  Ignore one art for the other?  Or find a way to balance writing with other loves?

If I am listening carefully to my own self, to what I am pulled to not out of avoidance but out of love, I know I can't ignore either.  The garden is in prime planting time right now, and the weather has been seductive.  But even more, I know the balance of nature will benefit my writing.  It will "fill the well" by replenishing my creativity.  The images received from gardening tonight will be sources for inspiration for my writing tomorrow.

Most writers need to be refilled by other loves.  All art forms count:  painting, music, dance, cooking, gardening, any self-expression.  This need to be refilled is not procrastination if you're following the love.

A reader from New York wrote me last week about how to choose between all the art forms that call her.

"Today is set aside to work on a book that I'm making on the computer," she writes.  "I really want to get this finished as soon as I can because it's a book about a [favorite place] that is being forced out by re-development, and I want to give it as a gift to the owner with the secret hope that he will love it and will show it around and maybe other people will want one too.   So I want to get this done SOON.  HOWEVER, it's time to START WRITING.  So, I'm feeling that I must, after today, and maybe half of another day this week, push this project aside, and focus on writing (since I'm scheduled for a total of six writing classes this month).  Meanwhile, I want to get out and do some exercise before I sit in front of a computer all day, and then there's the matter of supper . . .   I spend HOURS AND HOURS just cogitating upon how to juggle everything.  But I can't seem to fit them all in without making myself crazy."

If you're on deadline, if you feel you should be doing something, you're in a different arena than following the love, of course.  It's duty, and it takes choice.  Two deadlined activities can't occupy the same time and space.  If I have a commitment to a project, I use my calendar and schedule it regularly in small bites until it is done.  This is the reality of working when you're not called to it, or when too many other things call that sound like more fun. 

But when I have a real choice, when I am not under deadline, I follow the love.  What do I feel love for, in this moment?  If I bring that love to the page, for example, my writing is not an hour or two spent in irritation and longing to be doing something else.  Here's how I do it: 

1.  Because my life is often very full, I commit to regular times for my creativity.  I use my calendar to set aside a particular time to write each day.  It is sacred time, as important as anything else I schedule.  I know that I write best in the early morning, before anyone else is up.  I write on a laptop which can be moved around to the quietest place.  Or in a notebook. 

2.  I set out my writing materials the night before, so they greet me first thing and remind me of my commitment.  I often open the chapter I'm going to work on and write a half-sentence, leaving it unfinished as an entry into the writing the next morning.  This technique is called "Linkage" and it's used by many published writers who know the difficulties of getting started each day.  

3.  When the unfinished sentence doesn't work, I know to warm up by freewriting for 20 minutes in my journal, picking a topic that's not my chapter but something that's been on my mind (similar to Julia Cameron's "morning pages" from her book The Artist's Way).  Or perhaps I'll freewrite about how I hate my book and hate writing in general and would much rather NOT be doing it at this very minute.  When I can't even budge my creativity from these tricks, I reread a chapter in Mark Levy's new book, Accidental Genius, on the benefits of freewriting, or I revisit chapter 4 on "Filling the Well" in my own book, Your Book Starts Here. 

4.  Before I schedule the week's writing time, I sit down with family and work commitments to make sure my need to "follow the love" is not going to interfere with childcare, making supper, or other promises I've made.  I don't leave it to chance, because in the heat of responsibilities, I will usually give up my writing time in favor of family harmony.  It always feels burdensome to schedule creativity but I've learned the hard way. 

5.  When the writing flow begins, I always make sure my email program and Internet browser are shut down (or better yet not available on the computer I'm on), because if I stall out I know I'll check email (or even Facebook if I get really stuck)--and that's the end of the precious writing time. 

6.  Finally, I allow myself to fill up on unexpected images.  Gardening by late evening light, when the sun is slipping over the mountains, gifts me with heart-piercing images.  These images will stay with me until the next morning when I sit at my computer and begin a scene about my characters talking on the lakside dock in late spring as the moon is coming up. I trust that each art form feeds another. 

This week's writing exercise might seem counterintuitive, especially for anyone who believes all they really need is more discipline to get the writing done.  Actually, to paraphrase John Lennon, all you need is more love.  If you follow the love, your writing might just respond.  So it is for me.

Your Weekly Writing Exercise

1.  Write a list of 25 things you really love in your life.  Circle the top three.

2.  Find your calendar.  Are these part of your week?  Even your month?  If not, why not?  

3.  How can you follow the love and bring one of these into your life right now?

4.  Use this well-filling activity to replenish your creativity, and see how it affects your writing. 

Frugal Times

Originally posted on La Vie En Fifi, 4 November 2009

I read an article in the New Zealand Herald last week because the headline caught my eye – ‘luxury’, ‘fashion’ and ‘frugal’ in the same sentence? It was in the business section which I read faithfully (and often first), in my defence. I am happily shallow, but also aware of the world out there.

As I read on, it occurred to me that the ‘news’ is what French, and European women in general have been doing all along.

‘Luxury labels suffer as fashion for frugality thrives.’

‘Women this year opted to ‘shop their closets’ and accessorise to update their wardrobes rather than buy new clothes. When they did buy new clothes, women tended not to snap up fancy pieces that could only be worn on certain occasions, but rather evergreens’. ‘ Frugality is fashionable, even for the wealthiest consumers.’

Interestingly, cosmetic and fragrance luxury brands have been hit too, with consumers trading down to supermarket and chemist names. I have heard the French luxury cosmetic company I used to work for is struggling for sales here in New Zealand. After leaving there, and my generous staff discount, not to mention staff product allocations (free), it was hard to pay retail afterwards, and I have been trialling simple, inexpensive and often local brands with good results.

Something good to come from the hard times we are experiencing currently is the wealth of new books out (which of course I reserve at the library, rather than purchase straight away) on the topic of stylish frugality. It's actually trendy to be frugal nowadays. Five years ago I was definitely out of vogue.

When I looked for these books even a few years ago, the only frugal titles featured nerdy looking families in bad clothing (no offense to the Economides, I love their book America’s Cheapest Family and I am in awe of how they live their life).

Nowadays chic young women write books like The Thrift Book: Live Well and Spend Less by India Knight and The Spend Less Handbook: 365 Tips For A Better Quality Of Life While Actually Spending Less by Rebecca Ash (the first one is better, but get both if they’re at the library) and many, many more as evidenced at Amazon.

Does anyone sense the irony at the rash of books out which want you to purchase them in order to be frugal? I even saw a book at a shop in town which professed to help you stop shopping. But you have to buy the book and then stop shopping apparently.

I also find it very interesting that being frugal almost automatically means you become greener as well. Reusing, recycling, repurposing, using less etc. It all knits together perfectly.

Two other books which I really enjoyed pertaining loosely to this subject are Deluxe: How Luxury Lost Its Lustre by Dana Thomas (very illuminating, I was glued to it and often would audibly gasp at the audacity of those nasty big luxury brand conglomerates!) and Affluenza by Oliver James (rather dry and wordy but interesting nonetheless).

Image of luxury home in France from homesgofast.com. I decided against purchasing this chateau in the spirit of frugality.

Simple and Pretty

Originally posted on La Vie En Fifi, 14 November 2009

A magazine article I have torn out (from English Woman & Home) has great interviews with three modern day beauty gurus.

Firstly, Bobbi Brown. I have one of Bobbi’s makeup books (‘Beauty’), and whenever I see photos of her or read an article quoting her, I am always admiring. I love that she often looks very natural, but in a lovely, lightly made-up way (not the other kind of ‘real’ natural). She says ‘You should wear your make-up to look like a better version of yourself, not look like someone else’.

Her philosophy is ‘simple and pretty’ and believes anything that makes you look ‘hard’ is not a beauty enhancer. ‘There is nothing prettier on any skin tone than pale pink blush and a slick of pink lipstick. It’s so fresh and feminine.’ She believes eyeliner is even more important than mascara (although she recommends both) in making you look awake and drawing emphasis to your eyes. I often only wear mascara, so after reading this with breakfast this morning of course I put eyeliner on too!


Trish McEvoy, the second interviewee, says sunscreen worn daily is the best advice she has been given. ‘If you take two women in their fifties, or even in their thirties, you can tell which one has been wearing it and which one hasn’t’.

Even though I didn’t start wearing sunscreen regularly until my mid-late twenties, I was never a big sunbather (it just took too long with my fair skin!) so I am grateful for that. I love Trish’s ‘pet peeve’: ‘People who brag about how little sleep they need. If you don’t sleep enough, eat well and exercise, you’ll never look or feel your best.’ I really agree with this. I have read your body needs plenty of sleep in order to rejuvenate and ‘reset’. If you get too little sleep this can be a factor in being overweight. And you may have heard the old saying ‘an hour before midnight is worth two after’.

I often go to bed around 9.30-10pm at the latest, and some nights if we have eaten earlier I love to sneak off 8.30-9pm with a book and the cat. She has her routine too, and often perches herself near the bottom of the stairs eyeballing me while I brush my teeth and wash my face. Then, when I go up, she springs up too with such vigour that belies her 16 years and happily settles in at the foot of the bed. None of the beauty experts mention pets as keeping you young, but I believe they do. It has been proven they lower your blood pressure.

I love Trish's outfit in this photo too. The cool, wide belt and thin body do it for me!


Lastly, Laura Mercier is mentioned. Her cosmetic line launched promoting ‘classic colours rather than seasonal trends’. Well, she is French after all. She believes keeping yourself happy is the best beauty secret of all, which may mean allowing yourself to enjoy dessert once in a while and choosing an activity you enjoy rather than being a slave to the treadmill. Amen to that.

Now I have a confession to make, I don’t actually own a single product from any of these womens’ lines (yet, unless Bobbi’s book counts?). But I can still be inspired from them right?

Bobbi Brown image from wandena.com
Trish McEvoy image from the-coveted.com
Laura Mercier image from makeupbag.net

Update: there is no longer a cat residing in this house - she departed for cat-heaven aged 17. But with the poodle to take her place on the bed I am content. He is a great blood-pressure-lowerer as well.

Marketing a Law Firm | Paid Leads

If you go back and read my posts you'll see a pretty common theme with me. Every six months or so someone will talk me into paying to advertise with them. Typically it's in the form of some type of paid "leads." Well, it's about that time again, so I bought in.

As time has gone by I've become more and more reluctant to buy into these things, but when I see something that has some promise (and a relatively low price tag) I can't help but give it a shot. If it works that's great. If it doesn't I can move on. That's what marketing a law firm is all about - testing testing testing.

I've already talked about adwords and using yodle. I've talked about Nolo, but this is something new. Sadly for you, if it works, it's field specific.

The idea behind the the service is that when people go to this particular site looking for help I can give them I am exclusively listed as an attorney to call. If it sounds like a lot of the other things people are selling you're right, it is. I pay a flat fee (there was an option to pay for each lead) each month to be the main person on this site.

You're probably wondering what made this site different from all the other sites trying to sell the same thing. For me, the difference was exposure. Whenever people try to sell me something on the internet, the first thing I do is go check out their exposure - what kind of a presence they actually have on the internet. The better the presence the more people will be visiting the site and the more potential clients I get exposure to.

For example, let's look at Nolo. I'm a DUI attorney. We all know this. If you search DUI attorney it might take you 5 pages before any Nolo sites pop up (I didn't check this, but I know they aren't on page 1 - not even close). Because of this lack of exposure they don't get many people to their site that are actually qualified prospective clients.

This new service I've signed up with offers that exposure. They know http://www.blogger.com/img/blank.gifwhat they are doing with SEO and I've seen them moving up the rankings for the past 6 months or so. For me that is a good sign that they are interested in staying put, in actually providing me a service, and are trying to produce what they are promising.

When you are thinking about marketing your law firm, remember these things:

1. Everything is negotiable.

2. Don't lock yourself in long term - make them prove they're reliable.

3. If it sounds too good to be true, it is.

4. Don't just throw your money away, measure results to see if it's worth it.

5. Think about how clients will get to you through this service. If it takes more than 4 mouse clicks it's too hard.

Have a great weekend!

Starting a Law Firm | Follow Up on Technology

Last week I posted about law firm technology, namely, what I use in my office to do work on a daily basis. You all gave some great comments and I got a couple of emails about it, so I wanted to follow up on that a bit.

Before I get too far, though, I want to point out that it's important not to lose the forest for the trees. Having a perfect technology set up from the beginning isn't going to ensure success when starting a law firm. It can't hurt, but it won't be a deciding factor. And the great thing about starting out is you are small, agile, and can make changes quickly. Get a system set up and try it out. If it doesn't work, change it. It's really that simple.

First, I want to talk about using gmail and google apps for your law firm. When I wrote last I mentioned that the one major hangup with using Google was that I couldn't get all of my contacts to share between my assistant and I. Well, Barry Hammond solved all those problems with one email. He pointed me to this site, which is a private company that's made an application for google apps. As long as you stay small the application is free. I've already signed up and am using it, and it's great. Thanks!

Second, I got an email from someone who asked the following questions:

1. How do I combine Highrise and Gmail Calendar?

2. How do I perform conflict checks?

3. What do I use for accounting? How do I keep track of invoices?

4. Why do I use blogger for my blog? (she doesn't like it)

Here are your answers.

How do I combine Highrise and google calendar in my law firm?

The short answer is that for the most part I don't. All I use the calendar for in gmail is for court dates, meetings, birthdays, etc. I don't use it for tasks. I use Highrise for tasks and to note all of the other things I mentioned (it's always a good idea to keep track of important dates in two places, just trust me on this).

Highrise is great because it can keep track of all of your cases and what is going on with those cases. When you start a case with Highrise it creates a specific email address for that account. Simply add it to your gmail contacts and every time you send and email related to that case blind copy highrise and it will be logged in, in chronological order. Second, whenever you want to assign a task to another person, it will send them an email alerting them to the assignment. And you can check to see if the task has been completed (checked off).

If that didn't answer your question let me know specifically and I'll see what I can do.

How do I perform conflict checks?

Thankfully, in my line of work, I don't need a very comprehensive conflict check. In most of my cases the only witness is a police officer. So long as I haven't represented them before in some matter I'm usually safe. If there are other witnesses it's usually pretty easy for me to know if I've represented them before. I can just search through my old case files.

One thing you might be able to do on Highrise is make sure to attach all the interested parties to the case (witnesses, counsel, etc.). When you get a new case, simply search Highrise for that potential conflict's name and if it pops up check it out.

What do I use for accounting? How do I keep track of invoices?

I use quickbooks for accounting. And I don't do invoices very often. My fee agreements are flat fee. If anyone pays on a payment plan we typically lay that out in the fee agreement and they write me a specific number of checks that I cash each month on a date they have agreed to. I typically don't invoice them for that since it's already "invoiced" in the fee agreement.

Why do I use blogger?

I use blogger because I like it. It's free, it's easy to use, and it's fairly simple to navigate. The stuff you hear about having your own URL for SEO purposes is not that accurate. It might help a little bit, but it's not going to make or break you (I think this blog is a perfect example of that). Bottom line is I like it, it's what I've using for years, and I don't have any reason to switch.

That's it for this post. I owe myself another, so I might get to another today (if there's time).

As always, love to hear what you think. And if you have questions, please let me know.

Style Experts

Originally posted on La Vie En Fifi, 9 November 2009

I was lucky enough to watch a live show featuring Trinny and Susannah last month at my local mall. There were a lot of people there and it was standing only. Even so, with impatient legs stuck in one spot, the hour they were on stage flew by. These upper crust English girls earn their money. They were hilarious, motherly, helpful, compassionate and comedic all at once.

I don't remember exactly what Trinny wore, but I fell in love with Susannah's outfit. It was a knee-length light navy-blue dress, with a wide-ish belt in black. I remembered that I read French women wear navy and black or brown and black together. I could never get my head around navy and black, but now I can.

Women looked vastly different and for the most part better after a simple change of clothing and a ten minute hair and makeup. Their most emphatic message for the audience was to be fitted for a new bra, or at the very least shorten the straps of your existing one to give the girls a lift (I did this as soon as I got home!).

Another message for us was to not wear black all the time. I am the opposite to this though. I haven’t worn black for so long, save for a few black tops and a shirt. I don’t often wear them as I feel they drain the colour from my face and create black circles under my eyes. I am wanting to find out ways to reintroduce black into my wardrobe that is flattering for fair colouring as I think it is very chic if worn properly.

Scarves and necklaces are a good way of adding light around the face, as are earrings (pearl or diamond – my pearls are real, my diamonds are faux). Also being more careful with my makeup, adding more mascara, healthy natural pink toned blush and perhaps a sheer red lipstick to brighten up the complexion. These are some of the ways I am returning to a small amount of black.

Trinny and Susannah’s main rules for shopping are: Make a list of what you want to get before you go out shopping. Look in your wardrobe and make a list. Work out your budget. Work out how much money you have. Think ‘what is it I can never find in my wardrobe that I need’.

The last statement is the one that I think is the best. It’s easy to buy multiples of the pieces you already have, but to find out what it is you always miss having, that’s the hard question.

A favourite quote from Trinny and Susannah comes from one of their many books. I think it was the one about changing your life by changing your clothes.

‘Keep your hand out of the cookie jar. Resisting temptation may be the key to great personal style.’

And another:
‘The best beauty treatment is personal size reduction.’

This is what I am working on right now. It is often only a few (well, OK, five) kilos between feeling chic or not!

Image from zimbio.com

Using the Storyboard W to Structure a Self-Help Book

One of my readers from New York asked if the storyboard W, which gives an easy way to enhance momentum in your story, could be used for nonfiction as well as fiction and memoir.  Specifically, could it be used for a self-help book?

I've written and published many self-help books, as well as how-to books, so I could easily answer
yes.  But I wanted to give her an example, so I told her the story of my student Carol who is writing a self-help book for women who do too much for others.  

Carol’s ideal reader is a generous soul, a people pleaser who spends her days doing for others.  Carol was like this too, and that’s why she is motivated to write this book.

Carol’s book contains some great anecdotes, as most modern self-help books do.  For Carol’s triggering event, she chose an embarrassing and true story of one of her clients who got “caught” tending to herself instead of a sick friend.  The shame that resulted caused the woman to completely turn her back on her own needs for many weeks, until she got sick herself.  

Act 1 contained a series of stories like this, as well as good information about the mindset of people pleasers.  The purpose of Act 1 in any genre of book is to engage the reader, establish the basic question or quest of the book, and get the momentum started.  Unless you do this, your reader will not read on into Act 2, the meat of your story.  

Carol set up Act 1 pretty well.  She had good questions, such as this one:  how can a person still be kind, compassionate, and responsive to others, but not give herself away?  Something many readers would want to know.  But in Act 2, Carol’s book slumped.  She only had low-key scenes with little external action.  It was pretty easy to build the hopeful stuff, called the rising action—stories about women who would simply sneak away by themselves to get some peace and privacy, hiding with a good book and glass of lemonade on their porches.  But the falling action, which deepens the problem and brings us to a bigger turning point the book addresses--how to really make lasting changes inside yourself--was more difficult. 

I suggested Carol look for stories that showed a woman about to burst from being too contained for too long.  Yes, the first story showed someone getting sick.  Did Carol know of anything worse that had happened when needs were repressed too long?

Carol thought of a story of her own:  a serious confrontation with a neighbor, who called Carol for a committee favor on a morning when Carol’s son was suspended from school.  She remembered how she blew up at the woman—and although it was embarrassing, it beautifully demonstrated what happens when two desires clash—the desire to maintain the aura of being everyone’s helper with the extreme need for privacy.  When desires clash, there is surprise, drama, action. 

Carol’s willingness to include this “island” in her book made a big difference in  the overall dilemma of her self-help book.  She realized she couldn't just present an opening dilemma/question.  She had to keep deepening the self-inquiry as the book progressed.

When I asked her to study her favorite self-help books to see how published writers did this, she saw that all her best-loved authors always gave more in Act 2.  There was also a surprise element, something the reader didn't expect, maybe a movement of the initial dilemma to a more universal level.   

If you’re writing a self-help book, you can easily use the W and three-act structure to check whether your dilemma/conflict is strong enough in the middle of your book.  This helps avoid that slumping (boring) section that many books have--the reason we might read to chapter 5 then close the book.  Take a clue from Carol’s story.  

And don’t feel your Act 2 conflict has to be highly shocking to be effective.  It just has to deepen the self-inquiry that a self-help book addresses.  I look for what's unexpected, a place I can take the reader that is unique and interesting.  “The important thing in writing is the capacity to astonish,” says writer Terry Southern, a screenwriter who worked on films such as Easy Rider and Dr. Strangelove. Shock is “a worn-out word,” wrote Southern, but astonishment always makes for good literature.

This Week's Writing Exercise

1.  In the search box at the top of this blog, type in "three-act structure."  You can read several posts about the W and how it works in different genres.  There's also plenty of information on this in chapter 14 of my new book, Your Book Starts Here.  Click here to read reviews and check it out.  

2.  Read the table of contents of several self-help books on your shelves.  How do the authors deepen the initial question of the book, take the reader to a new level of self-inquiry?

3.  Write down three ways you might take your topic to a deeper level.  Spend 30 minutes writing about one of these ways, and see if it can be inserted into Act 2 of your manuscript to prevent the slump.

Best. Soup. Ever.

Originally posted on La Vie En Fifi, 24 October 2009

Bold statement I know. There are a number of reasons (and my sales pitch on) why this is the best soup ever.

Quick and easy to make
Frugal
Lots of nutrition - brightly coloured vegetables and good amount of protein
Low in fat/calories
Delicious

The recipe came from New Zealand House & Garden many, many years ago. Since then I have made it a lot (My mother is the soup queen and I think I have inherited this gene thankfully). It has an ingredient list that can be memorised easily, and I make different versions of it for variety of flavour, and to use up fading vegetables.

Here is the original version:

1 brown onion, chopped and sautéed in a little olive oil
1 400g-420g can of plain or flavoured chopped tomatoes and juice
1 cup red lentils (rinsed and picked over – take out the odd yucky looking one)
4 cups/1 litre chicken stock (or any other stock flavor you like). I use a mix of my homemade chicken stock and store-bought stock powder/cubes.

(In my head, the recipe is: one onion, 1 can tomatoes, 1 cup red lentils, 1 litre stock – easy to remember!). Also, all the basic recipe ingredients are 'store cupboard ingredients' - I always have them on hand.

Bring to the boil and simmer for 20 minutes.

This soup has been my staple lunch at work for this past, and other winters. It reheats beautifully in the microwave. I have even been known to make it before work (when I really have no extra time). The really quick version involves throwing the onion into the other ingredients without sautéing and then cooking for 20 minutes. If you were really pressed for time you could use the stock, a can of flavoured tomatoes and the red lentils, no onion.

My current batch, which was extra tasty, involves a handful of fresh pumpkin cubes. These cook within the time frame and I just break up the pieces with a potato masher when done. It’s a nicer soup a little rustic than pureed smooth. I also added fresh oregano (just tore the leaves off the stem once washed) from my garden pot, dried sweet basil and six bay leaves (which are removed after cooking).

Other additions that are good:

As I said before, any tired vegetables can be chopped up small (since you’re not pureeing) and added
Fresh or dried herbs
A little tomato paste
Any cooked meats if you like, however the lentils provide good protein, so not needed for a balanced meal.
If you have any, a dollop of full fat plain unsweetened yoghurt added just before serving is divine, as is Parmesan. Yum
Different flavoured tomatoes or spices for a different type - Italian, Mexican, Indian

I also rarely make the single batch, even though it’s just me eating it. Doubling the quantities doesn’t take much more effort, and I often freeze the second container for an instant week’s worth of lunches. I either eat this by itself, or with bread, or cheese on toast.

I am a big fan of slow food and slow cooking, but this is my favourite 'fast food' recipe.

Update 9 November: I have just made another batch of this soup, including pumpkin as last time, but with Indian flavoured chopped tomatoes and an extra teaspoon of yellow curry powder. I also used dried soup mix rather than red lentils. Dried soup mix contains red lentils, barley, split peas etc. It needs to be cooked for an hour and a half rather than the 20 minutes for red lentils only. I think this Indian version is my favourite yet.

Bon appétit!

European men are different

Originally posted on La Vie En Fifi, 20 October 2009

(above, moi outside Paris Opera House. I did not know one does not belt the trench then, one ties it. I do now).

During my European trip, 2001 - first and hopefully not my last, I spent a few days each in Paris, and Rome. Firstly, I dressed up. Knowing we would be travelling through Paris (a female friend and I travelled together - both of us were single at the time) I packed a skirt and high heels even though travelling with a back pack.

My travel companion, on the other hand, wore track pants (gathered at the ankles), a sweat shirt and a bum bag (fanny pack). Such a shame. One of our days was spent seeing the sights and the other, shopping, window shopping, and soaking up the atmosphere. On the shopping day I suggested we split up for that day and meet back at our hotel later on. I feel a bit mean about this, but I wanted to enjoy the ambiance of Paris by myself, and in appropriate attire!


(above, outside Sacre Coeur, Montmatre). In Paris, a young man came up to me and asked if I would like to go out with him. 'I'm only in Paris tonight', I said. 'One night is all I need...' he replied. And not sleazy either! Rather, fun and flirty. I declined politely.


Next in Italy (above, viewing the ruins in Pompeii, so worth the bus trip). The same travelling companion and I walking along a footpath in Rome, admiring beautiful building after beautiful building, wondering at what family-run trattoria we should dine that evening.

Next thing, a suave and svelte Italian gentleman on his scooter (of course, they were everywhere in Rome - young women in pencil skirts and high heels with open-face helmets on, balancing a coffee on the handlebars and stylish young men in fine cut suits) rides close to where we are walking, making kissy faces to us. Again, fun and flirty.

These light hearted encounters just add to your day. No wonder French and Italian women like to dress up!

Go to bed earlier, get up earlier

Originally posted on La Vie En Fifi, 15 March 2010

I read this advice on The English Organizer, about how to gain time. All the tips are fab, but the one that resonated with me most was about going to bed earlier and getting up earlier. For the past few months, I have been getting up an hour earlier, all so I can drink hot tea with milk and read – usually blogs, less often a book or magazine. I can have a lovely time catching up on all my favourite blogs and do my own writing. It’s now routine for me to get up earlier and I absolutely love this time.

In the height of summer when I started doing this it was lovely and light already, but now we creep towards Autumn it’s a little dark at first (I get up around 6-6.30am, not that early compared to a lot of folk. Our shop doesn’t open until 9.30am so we often leave for work around 9am) but I still enjoy this early time, even if the blinds are still down and the lights are on for the first part.

It’s guilt free time too. I know it’s not good to surf the net when at work – there are important things to do there, and being self employed I’m not doing myself any favours. And in the evenings I feel like a terrible wife glued to the laptop screen while my husband is sitting by himself on the sofa. So I get my fix first thing. And I’ve restarted my ‘book’, you know, the book we’re all writing. I feel like a bit of a fraud writing, I don’t know why. But I love reading so much and I have told myself – even if no one else reads it. Write a book you would like to read.

One I just finished and which I enjoyed immensely is A Spring Affair by Millly Johnson. I do love chick lit to relax and escape – there is so much uninspiring formulaic stuff out there though that it’s exciting to find a new author. Some I love are Sophie Kinsella (all of them), Emily Giffin (all of them) and Emily Barr (have only read Plan B but loved it – and it had a French angle).

I picked up A Spring Affair from the library new releases shelf and upon reading the back cover found it was, ta da, a new genre ‘decluttering chick lit’. Imagine! I had to borrow it of course and found it was such a lovely, funny, enjoyable book which actually had me in tears over my breakfast at the end. I love those books! And it had decluttering advice all the way through. A book tailor made for me I think. And maybe you too if you're a chick lit fan and as obsessed with decluttering as I am.

I went to the author’s website after I had finished and apart from a section on decluttering (yay), found tips for budding authors. If nothing else, she said, write 250 words per day, no matter what, and at the end of the year you will have a 91,000 word book. And don’t edit, just keep writing. Edit right at the end otherwise you will lose momentum. So that’s what I’m doing in the morning now. Before I start anything else, I write at least 250 words and then I am free to bring up Google Reader to read all those inspiring blog posts.

So I can heartily endorse The English Organizer’s advice on going to bed earlier and getting up earlier. After all she says, what do you do in the last hour of the evening anyway, lie there on the sofa thinking I’m too tired to get up and wash my face, watching tv that isn’t even any good, nothing actually productive. Sometimes I do that exact thing and go to bed at 11pm. That’s only 7 hours sleep – not nearly enough! I like to start getting ready for bed around 9 and be in bed reading by 9.30-10. I aim for 9 hours sleep like apparently French women get, but 8 is a good minimum.

Update: I still go to bed earlier (mostly) and get up earlier (more often) a year after reading this advice. I really, really love my early morning time with a cup of hot tea. And recently I borrowed the audio book of A Spring Affair from the library and listened to it in the car (12 cds!) over the course of a month. It was so enjoyable.

Image from fantasticfiction.co.uk

My Style Philosophy

Originally posted on La Vie En Fifi in two parts, 7 and 13 October 2009

I would often scoff at those lists of ‘10 pieces’ espoused by fashion (or rather ‘style’) experts. But thinking now, I have most of the items on them. Beige cotton trench coat. Check. White cotton fitted shirt/blouse. Check (times many). Little black dress. Check. Check. (a long and a short one). Classic watch (Cartier Tank Francaise in stainless steel and gold. I will die wearing this watch – hopefully not before my nineties). Dark jeans, aged jeans. Plain white Converse All Stars. Simple jewellery that I wear every day. Striped Breton tops. So I am in fact that list, walking around.

I used to think I needed to try harder to understand fashion and update my look each season. Then when I read European women (and French women particularly) buy good quality pieces they wear for many years, sometimes twenty, I was thrilled. I had found my style sisters.

I actually find Vogue magazines not as appealing as I used to (the fashion pages anyway, I enjoy reading the beauty and lifestyle articles) and can’t remember when I last bought one.

And I often feel my best in simple, classic but chic clothes, with fresh, light makeup and unfussy hair. I can think better. On days when I have made an effort to try a different style or go for the tousled hair look, well the sooner that day is over the better. I get nothing done and feel horrid and frumpy all day.

I found an article I had torn from Cleo magazine over twenty years ago. Entitled ‘50 must-have classics’ numbered 1-50 (I always love a list) with photos to match. Sure some are dated, but surprisingly few.

50 must-have classics, dated May 1988

1. Filofax
2. Kilt (as good as this list is, I just can’t fathom this one, even though my family has Scottish heritage. Just where would you wear it?)
3. White t-shirt. An enduring classic, only the shape will change as you purchase new ones over the years. Then they used to be literally square shaped with sleeves, now lovely and fitted perhaps with a v-neck and a hint of lycra (not too much though) in the cotton.
4. Chambray shirt. This really takes me back to the 80s, but I have seen chambray shirts in the shops recently. Yes really.
5. Levis 501s. I think these were perhaps the first of the ‘it’jeans. Mind you, before these were Calvin Kleins and I remember fondly my Skin jeans, which looked a lot like today’s True Religion ones in dark denim, straight legs and thick white stitching. I coveted, and then loved once I had a pair of, Skin jeans because of their white bulldog clip hanging from one of the front belt loops!
6. Raincoat. Specifically a Burberry type trenchcoat and the example shown is a beige/bone colour. Yum.
7. Argyle socks.
8. Brogues.
9. Hermes scarf.
10. Kelly bag.
11. Fair isle sweater.
12. Denim jacket.
13. Lacoste polo. I have just bought two Ralph Lauren polos for summer, in white and pale pink.
14. Brown loafers.
15. Bandanna
16. Akubra hat. The magazine is Australian!
17. Sailor top. The word Breton was mentioned. Of course.
18. Clutch bag.
19. Leather gloves
20. White shirt
21. Leather belt. Medium width, neutral colour.
22. The watch. Simple is the key – a clear face with a sturdy band.
23. Terry toweling robe. Presumably for wearing at home!
24. Ray Ban sunglasses – both Wayfarers and Aviators are shown. Funny how both are back in fashion, but maybe they never really went away?
25. Twin-set
26. Leather skirt
27. Rolex
28. Blazer/jacket
29. Cowboy boots
30. Lacy underwear
31. Black turtleneck
32. Pearls
33. Perfecto leather jacket – the classic biker style in black as worn by James Dean and Elvis Presley.
34. Riding boots
35. Speedo swimming costume.
36. White lace handkerchief.
37. Tuxedo
38. The Little Black Dress
39. Pumps
40. Charm bracelet
41. Evening bag
42. Scarf in lambswool or cashmere
43. Man-style pyjamas
44. Hoop earrings
45. Cameo
46. Lacy blouse
47. Russian wedding ring, first created by Cartier
48. Beret
49. Plimsolls – ones shown look to be white canvas Bensimon or similar
50. Evening gloves

I knew I had kept this article so long for a reason. I just couldn't bear to part with it.

And of course, the visuals to complement the list. Forgive the low-res-ness. You can click on the images to see them slightly bigger.


Feast your eyes on 1988 folks. When I was photographing the pages my husband looked over and said 'wow, those are some 1993 fashions'. When I encouraged him to guess again, he guessed correctly on only the second go! That's my boy. The Universe really did listen to me when I asked to meet a nice boy 'just like me, only male' even down to the same Libran birthday.


I hadn't planned to keep this article for (gulp) 21 years; I found it when going through some things of mine I didn't even know still existed at Dad's place a year or two back. I was so tickled that I liked the same kind of style then, I filed it in my 'personal style' clear file (everyone has one of those, right?). Even at 17-18 I was drawn towards the same kind of classic Euro style.